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"?" for Foster Care Adoptee's, name change?

Hi,

We are in the beginning process of adopting a 3 year old girl from foster care in another state. We are meeting her in 2 weeks, we have considering changing her name, to ensure no future contact with birth family, very messed up situation. We have heard about "identity" problems from name change, she will know she is adopted because she is a different race. I would love to hear from foster care Adoptees that had their name changed as a child, did it cause any traumatic stress as you became a teenager and adult? Thank you so much!!!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Dec. 20, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • OP: Basically, you wont get an answer on here because there are very few Foster care adoptees on here and even fewer that would have been adopted at such a young age that their name would have been changed. .

    A name is a personal thing and naming a child means more to some people than others. I dont think at all that you will scar a 3 yr old by changing their name, kids get nicknames all the time and truthfully, until you get into Kindergarten, you often dont really even know your proper name. (Williams are called Billy, Elizabeths are called Betsy, etc). If you want to change the name, you are the parent. I like the idea of incorporating the current name in there.
    Good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • If your adopting her then she'll have your last name right? Does the birth family know your last name? If not, then won't that be enough? I assume you are asking about changing her first name? I think that is a bit extreme for the poor child after all she's probably been through.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 PM on Dec. 20, 2009

  • So you are adopting her, not just taking her until she is eligible for adoption?

    If so, I think that she is very young and it probably will not have as much of an impact, I would keep her current name as the middle name or make the name that you like as her middle name, then refer to her as both until you can drop one. Like Mary, MaryBeth, MaryBeth, Beth.

    You will hear from some haters here that you shouldnt change the name but I recommend you follow your heart. I know more than one adoptive parent who waivered about this decision and then regrets not changing the name like they originally wanted to.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on Dec. 20, 2009

  • She is 3 not an infant .She has a self identity that starts with her name.To the op this shows thought and concern on your part concerning your new daughter and you have been given good advice before you came here.You know it will be difficult on her or you wouldn't have doubts already.To the :56 anon she isn't a toy to be renamed at will and it is not about the adoptive parents but about the daughter.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Dec. 20, 2009

  • OP HERE: Thank you both, I know there are some haters with name changing, that's the biggest reason I asked for foster care Adoptee's. We are doing straight adoption, We matched with her through one of the heart galleries. She actually just turned 4, but she is developmentally at least a year behind. Her biological mother and a few family member tried to regain custody but it fell through several times over the years, know clue who her biological father even is.

    Can you tell me a little why your friends regretted not changing the foster childs name? Did it have anything to do with bio family? Thanks everyone!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Dec. 20, 2009

  • Hello I have adopted three children from foster care and just wanted to let you know that the chances of the birth family causing trouble are fairly slim actually. You will be changing the child's last name and you can also change their social security numbers as well. One option is to just change the middle name and not the first name. We did that with my son who was seven months old. ( We decided not to change his first name because it was one less thing to have to explain later to him) and our girls were older and we told them their last name was going to be changed when the adoption was final and they were excited about that and then asked on their own what their new middle names would be. We were surprised by that but they wanted it to be the same as when we adopted our son:) We let them pick themselves and they did a great job. Please just keep in mind that her original name is part of her and changing that will add to
    Luuckymommy

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 10:44 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • cont... the things that she will have to adjust too. She will be fine with changing her name eventually but think about all the other changes she is going to be experiencing. On the other hand if it is something that you will regret not doing later then go ahead but just give it some careful thought and planning. Good Luck with whatever you decide!
    Luuckymommy

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 10:47 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Some is not a "hater" because they state an opinion that is different then yours Anon :56!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Wow - people who think that changing an adopted childs name hurts them are haters? Wow, I learn something new on here every day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • To Clarify: The "haters" are basically anyone on here who is going to be negative towards anything thing that an adoptive parent or PAP does, and it doesnt matter what they do, they will never win.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

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