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How and when should I tell them?

I have two children, long story short, both are not biologically my husbands children. My questions is when is the appropriate time to try and explain to them and how should I go about it without making them think Daddy is less important?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Dec. 21, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • How old are they?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • they are still young...he is 3 and she is 5 months....

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • My dad is not biologically related to me. He told me himself when I was around 8. I really can't remember much about the conversation, honestly I don't remember it being a big deal to me. He and my mom married when I was 2 1/2 (and he adopted me then) so I have no memory of him not being my dad. There were times in my teens I was curious about my bio dad, but it was kind of a touchy subject with my dad so I never really brought it up. I've come to realise that my "real" dad is the man who raised me, was there for the first day of school, taught me to drive, walked me down the aisle on my wedding day, is Gramps to my sons, and all the other everyday, unremarked things that dads do. I don't know if I've been any help, but good luck.

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 1:11 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Thanks, I hope my kids can take to it well too

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I was raised by my mom and stepdad hardly knowing my bio dad. Just keep reminding them that love is what makes a family and that Daddy (your husband) loves them to pieces. I would wait until they were older like 8ish because it may lead them to ask questions about why is he not their bio dad and then where exactly did they come from. Just prepare for little sex-related questions to come up shortly after. I have a great relationship with my stepdad and am glad my mom did not let my bio dad try to push his way back in when it was convienent for him. GL the kids will be fine as long as they have someone to love them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I agree around 6-8 is a good time. My mother waited until I was 13 and I was EXTREMELY upset with her for it. My younger sister was biologically his and that was tough too. My dad (who raised me) has since passed on and my bio dad and I have a great relationship. He stepped back because my mom asked him too and he knew my adoptive father well and knew he would be a good dad for me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:55 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • From birth, or whenever this man came into their lives.

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:16 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • OMG I think you should raise them from the get go to know. Tell them, they have a right to know. Do NOT keep this a secret it will be devastating later in life. Tell the child he/she is twice blessed because your DH chose them to be their child.

    Answer by salexander at 10:50 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I wouldnt go around saying like "now you know he isnt your real dad,etc" but it shouldnt be kept silent about either.

    I would just wait til the subject comes up in one form or another and they are old enough to truly "get it". Then formally have the discussion.

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 12:05 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Not trying to be nosy, just wondering if you had them by another man or if you were inseminated so you could have kids with him. I think that would make a difference how I told my kids, cause the second way you were having the kids for him. The first way, I am assuming, means you met their father(s) before you knew hubby. So I think it would make a difference how and when I told them.

    And for that matter, does that mean their bio. father(s) isn't a part of their lives at all. Don't be offended by the S in parenthesis please, I just didn't want to assume they did or didn't have the same father.

    Answer by VintageWife at 12:18 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

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