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ok this is so hard to ask..but i'm at a lost.

I recently went on a trip without my DH. Well one night i tried to call and the phone was off. I called and called and our rule is no phones off! Well finally i gave up and went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night to a text saying that he had been in jail! Well obviously I dont care the time. I called him. He apparently had went to some porn store cinema thing, and says he was doing his thing when two other guys cornered him and begin to touch him when the police came in. The main thing is he cheated on me with a co worker, i don't really know what all he did with her. and before we were together...this is about 4 years ago. He had a past of experimenting with men. Idk if i can forgive or trust or move on this time. Just lookin for some sort of advice please. I love him so much but idk what to do anymore.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:00 AM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • How I think I would seriously consider leaving him. Of course, I am not you and I don't know the entire story or all the feelings you have since I didn't experience these things first hand. However, You know whether or not you are still in love with him and if you are happy. If you are worried about your kids, I really can't see them being happy if you are not; kids can sense these things and maybe leaving would be for the best. It all depends on how you feel, but to me (looking from the outside of your relationship) I think it's time to move on. I wouldn't buy his story about being cornered, and the fact that he's experimented before makes me believe it even less. He's your husband and you know him; listen to your heart and mind.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • If you don't trust him to the degree that you say you don't and also to the depth of sadness that you're feeling, then you can get counselling or leave him. If he cheated on you as a boyfriend, fiance, so, or husband with either men and getting jailed too or with another woman those are serious disrepects in the realm of disrespects.

    If you don't want to leave him or counsel about him right now immediately then think of this - if he cheated on you as a boyfriend but not the depth of a significant other or fiance and it was four years ago then you can approach the porn and and jail as offering him a learning lesson - hey joe what the h#$$ did you expect doing something like that -you really thought you wouldn't get caught??? Was it enjoyable as you'd hoped after being jailed, well that's your future!!!! Then drop the subject and keep a distance from husband to let things cool down.

    Then later I'd tell him to get counseln.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 1:32 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • sorry i didn't explain well..he experimented about 4 years ago (B4 i was around) he cheated about 7 months ago...then this jail thing just happened a week ago....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I think you should leave him. His reckless behavior is endangering your life. Do you want an STD?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Basically he's cheated on you twice.......I think you have to decide if you're willing to accept this and the likelihood that he'll do it again, regardless of whether it's with women or men. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Good luck
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:57 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • FIrst of all, get yourself to the doctor and get tested for STDs - he's proven he's a liar and I'm betting that wasn't the first time he
    s been to that store/cinema place and had sexual relations with men he has never met before.

    Secondly, get to a lawyer and get yourself set up to start divorce proceedings. You don't know him as well as you think you do. Men like him are manipulative and care little about anyone other than themselves. Trust me...I know what I'm talking about.

    If you can afford it, get yourself into counselling. Empower yourself...you deserve to be treated better than this. I wish you luck and I'm sorry you have to go though this.
    sgtdemanda

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 6:23 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • You are now considered "high risk" for STD's so go to the doctor pronto! Doesn't sound like an "accident" of some guys trying to touch him just when the police came in. I mean, why were the police there to begin with?? I now this is hard, and rude, and probably judgmental without knowing the guy, but I've been around all sorts of people in my lifetime and it sounds like maybe he was out looking for a man and maybe even asking for money for it. That's as gently as I can put it. Have you seen the police report? It is public record and the police department will give you a copy of it for a small copying fee. Go see what he really got arrested for. Ouch, sorry - I would be out of there faster than you could blink an eye. He is not showing you that he has a committment to you.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 1:06 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • a lot of gay men will hook up with men just for sex.. why would he let two men just walk up and touch him?? yeah right ,, hes getting nailed by men in the Dl.. it may sound mean, but you need to move on. it will be hard, but you need to find someone who loves woman and loves you most of all. ask to see the police report if you think you should believe his story.. they were doing more then touching,, you dont get arrested for groping your signifcant other.. they woudl ask you to take it out of the theather.. hello
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

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