Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how do I talk to my man about his baby mama? Im not a mom but Im pretty much a step mom

She using his son against him to get him to do what she wants and calls and texting him just to ask what hes having for dinner just childish mess and wants him to take her places shes made it known shes trying to get him back she tried to kiss him one time shes 24 and acts like a highschool kid but I just want to talk to him about it without sounding like Im trying to tell him what to do and to get the point that Im not going for it and that some ground rules need to be laid down without sounding mean because she is the type I believe would try to drug him or try and do something to him, but I just know I can't take anymore I love him with all my heart but her childish mess has got to go

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:25 AM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • honestly? let him read what you just typed. my SO has another babys mom, and let me tell you, this girl is the EXACT same way. shes only 22 but still, she acts the same. i made it VERY clear that he is NOT to talk to her unless its regarding their child, which isnt the case anymore, because she got him taken away from her. but anyways, i made it clear. and no i wasnt nice about it, but i felt VERY strongly about it. and i still do. idk what else to say exactly because i dont know the ENTIRE situation, but good luck!!
    mommykayti

    Answer by mommykayti at 3:32 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Do you have children with this man also? Well I have two step-children and I love them as they were my own. You meant this man and you new pretty quick that he had a child with someone else so the child and him was a package deal. So his EX is part of that package deal also matter you like her or not they have a child together so the shit that she is pulling is UNEXCECTABLE YES but if you want to be with this man you have to deal with the shit from his past also. Also she is not holding a gun to him and making him get into the car so that takes two. Let him know how your feeling about this and then go from there. I went christmas shopping with my SO EX and we talk on the phone alot we have no issues at all. What they had was the past they have to wonderful children together and all 3 of us love the children and she also has another child from her SO and my SO and I have a child together also. Yes we are one big happy family:~)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  •    " How do I talk to my man about his baby mama"? You don't. It's none of your business, plus he will not listen to anything you say anyway. Just let it go and things will change on their own. B/c the more YOU push it, the more SHE will push back and  your man will have to become the referee. He'll be stuck in the middle and if you really love him with all your heart, you wouldn't do that to him.

    jblueeyes228

    Answer by jblueeyes228 at 6:06 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • just tell him you are feeling threatened and you just want him to know that you love him. he will get the point and you will have said what you need to. other than that there isnt much you can do. she is always gonna be there. personal choice you have to make is weather or not the guy is really worth all the effort. if not then leave, if so stand by him dont be another bitchy insecure woman he has to deal with. your choice, not his or the baby mama,
    quarine

    Answer by quarine at 6:25 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • If this guy can be tempted by any other woman, including his old girlfriend, why on earth would you want him? And why would you waste another minute of your time trying to keep him? If you have to be this concerned with other women at this stage of your relationship, what kind of future can you possibly have with him? Tell him today that your number one concern is that he be happy, so you are cutting him loose to do whatever it is that makes him happy. Tell him you are obviously not the right person for him, or he would not be messing around with some other woman. Tell him you think more of yourself than to be a member of any man's harem, that you are looking for a man who is looking for an exclusive relationship with his wife, and that you will accept nothing less. You will be pleasantly surprised at how good you will feel about yourself once you have spelled out your unwillingness to share his affections. Be firm!!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:32 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • It really isn't any of your business. You knew he had a kid when you got together, your just going to have to put up with it. If there is no visitation order she can make him jump through whatever to see his kid. A "stepmom" doesn't matter. I adopted my SS so, no one could tell me it was none of my business. The child's mother is some one your SO is going to have a relationship with forever. Get used to it. And if someone was to call me a "baby mama" it would be a cold day in hell before they saw my kid again. I think that phrase along with baby daddy is degrading and sounds uneducated.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:54 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Girl you need to take a chill pill. Do not worry about what she is trying to do, you worry about if he falls for her tricks. If you guys love is really strong, he know how to deal with it, BUT...and I mean BUT IF he is the type of man who like to keep his ex attached to him, you worry. I know he have a child by this woman, but that does not mean they should sleep together. My son is 15, and his dad and I are good friends ONLY, nothing more. Tell him it is not his duty to take her around to run errands, and the baby mama need to butt out and deal with her own problems. She may be trying to get something started, but it is up to HIM, not YOU, he know where the line stops.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 8:58 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Matthewscandi it is her business, she have every right to stop this woman from trying to break up her family. A lot of baby mamas out there will try to sabotage their ex relationship, but you keep an eye on her, but like I said before, it is up to him, not you, he is a grown man, he know how to say no, you need to stop worrying about her, she may be trying to irritate you, BUT you continue to stand your ground with this woman, let her know that you're not having it, she will back off.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 9:02 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • for one this will never change and if you dont like it leave now becuase this will be the rest of your life if you stay with him or marry him and its a miserable way to live trust me
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • he needs to get a court ordered visitation so she wont have all that control.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN