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INLAWS

ok,,,serious answeres. My father inlaw is spoiled. One example ,,we went out to eat,,,,his lobster roll was shredded meat ,,he pushed it away and out his head down,ok,,enough said ,,,,,,,,,,,If i say no to him about going somewhere (mind u i have 3 kids one .,w Down syndrome) he gets up from wherever we r and leaves,,,yup ,,,and my husband just sits there,,,,,,so i broke all ties,,,,,,,,,,,it got so bad and his wife (step mom) is very controlling to boot!!!!,,,,,Its better that i dont see or speak to them, but my husband resents me for it ,,,,,,,,,he is taking the kids to see them for 5 days in Texas in June ,well,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,he is only taking 2 due to $ and the father hung on him and said i want all 3 and i want u here for a week,,,,well i wont be without all my kids for aweek ,,so my teenager and i are visiting a friend in MI,,,,,,I could go on and on,,,,,,,,,,,,,we didnt send a hallmark card one year and i got told off,,

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:53 AM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Most people have inlaw issues. I know I do. But, I have to remind myself that it's not about me, it's about the kids. I DO NOT like my mother in law. BUT, she is my daughter's grandma and my husbands mother and even though I don't like her, that doesn't mean that I keep my dd from her. She's a good grandma and a crapy MIL. Whatever....it's all about the kids. SO, my honest opinion is that you are being a little spoiled too, and your husband and children are stuck between a rock and a hard place because eventually, they will feel like they have to choose you or them....and that's not a fair place for you dh or your kids to be. IMO.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:02 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I would tell your husband either he stands up to his father, or you will. You don't have to be mean spirited but firm. It will piss his father off, but it will bring things to a head. In time his father will come to the understanding that he must behave like a civil adult or he will loose out on his grandchilden and a relationship with you. My husband had to do this with my own father a few weeks ago, my father was upset at first, but then he thought about things and realized he was in the wrong. It took my father about two weeks to come around and make things right.
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 5:51 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • p.s.,,its his step mom,,,,,If it was the real grandma id have to budge
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:03 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • It's early so I'm easily confused but was there a question in there somewhere?
    sgtdemanda

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 6:15 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I posted this same issue (going through it myself albeit worse) and this is what I said. They're my kids, my decision and push come to shove I can be an ultimate bitch about it and they will never see their grand kids. I am choosing to allow them to see the kids on my terms and they can take it or leave it. I agree with Ron, if your DH doesn't stand by you you've got bigger problems.

    I look it at this way, DH could take them to see them on his weekends when we divorce over this shit or you can take them when I tell him he can (which is supervised visits now). But then again my MIL is a bigoted, homophobic, controlling, manipulative, vindictive, spiteful person. And those are not traits I want my kids learning so their time is now limited with the in laws..
    magoogie

    Answer by magoogie at 6:16 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • You and your husband need to be a united front. Let your FIL know exactly what your ground rules are and tell him, he if can't accept them, he'll not see his grandchildren. Let him decide which is more important. Put the ball in his corner. I wouldn't budge for a second on it either. You are the one with all the cards. Play 'em!
    CaseyErin

    Answer by CaseyErin at 6:22 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:42 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • lol @ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I feel that way too!
    sgtdemanda

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 6:43 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • These are your husband's folks and they are a part of the package. You had to have known a lot of these things about them before you married into the family. I think it is very dangerous to your children and to your marriage to be in a tug-of-war with your in-laws. Your husband knows how they are, but they are his parents, and he loves them. To ask him to choose between them and you is very unfair. A wise woman supports her husband and is willing to go the extra mile with him when she needs to. It's very easy to see the faults in others and to overlook our own, and two wrongs never ever make anything right. You have until June to get your entire family all packed up to go for a visit. Anyone can stand anything for one week if she is willing to do it. If you get your heart right toward your husband in all this, you will very likely see him better take charge of the situation. He knows how they are but they are family.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:03 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

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