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Why doesn't he realize that I love him?

Hi, I am a mother of 4 children. I am trying to get one of my sons back, he lives in California in an Academy. He has been there for over a year, because of my bad choices. I have not seen him in over 3 years and want him back with me.I have done everything that the state has asked. The main problem is that my place isnt big enough and I don't have a job. I live in a town of 550 people. Every time we communicate on the phone he gets an attitude with me then hangs up. I am lost and stressed out because of this, what can I do to reassure him that I still do and always will love him?

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Asked by caligirl160 at 9:25 AM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (7)
  • he will relize it one day, he is going threw all them hormones of being a teengaer.he may thank u guys one day for having him in that acadamy. write him and send letters more,send him pictures.

    Answer by angelairelan at 9:40 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • He's at an awkward stage in his life so anything you do right now isn't good enough! The only thing you can do is say and show that you love him. He probably does want to be home but knows the circumstances and is annoyed that you're not doing every thing you possibly can to get him home(think back to when you were a teen and high expectations of your parents and how at times you were disappointed, not even teen years but your earlier years too). Let him on on everything you are trying to do to get him home, inform him its taking you longer than expected because_____, but you are trying and giving it your all to make it happen! Don't give up or close up on him because he will do the same! My oldest is 9, this is coming from my own experiences with my mom an how I wish she would have reached out to me more than she did! Our relationship still isn't perfect but she's my mom and I love her for giving the best she was capable of!

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 9:54 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I'm sure he is miserable and thinks you are not doing enough to get him back (showing your love). My grandson got in trouble lately and ended up in jail. Every phone call his mother got was him screaming at her telling her that she didn't love him bc she wasn't getting him out. We did everything we could to get him out. It cost a fortune for an attorney but the Judge wouldn't budge and let him out. Kids always blame the mom on circumstances bc they have no one else in their mind to blame. Once he's home he'll lighten up. Just keep assuring him that you love him.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:55 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • He will realize it when he is older. Maybe find a way to go and visit him and talk to him face to face. I would move heaven and earth to go and visit my child. I would do whatever necessary so that I can make sure he knows that I love him and want him with me. If you want him with you, then you will have to do whatever you can to get a bigger place and get him home. You also need to be prepared that he doesn't want to come home.

    Also, what is the Academy?

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:54 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • The Academy is San Pasqual it's in Escondido,CA. I think that they have totally destroyed the boy that he was . He now smokes, has had sex, GOD only knows what else. Supervision there is terrible. I know I need to do so much more for him, with the way things are jobs are very hard to come by where I live which is in Minnesota. I wish that I would have never moved so far away from him.

    Answer by caligirl160 at 11:07 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Just keep telling him you love him, be patient with him, and work hard to find a job and make a better life for your children. He'll eventually see that you are working hard and sacrificing for your kids. Right now he sounds like he's angry and trying to figure himself out.

    Answer by Laila-May at 4:10 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • You should ease him in and keep talking to him. Three years is a long time if you move slowly and keep talking to him tell him about your life and ask him questions about his life but do not force the issue. Working out issues is easy in a group but now he has to talk to you and he has the part of him that loves and adores you and there is the part that is mad and is struggling to let you know. That much anger has to come out and you have to let it come out and be strong enough to take it on. In this arena safety is the first and foremost issue he has to feel confident in himself and in you. Bad feelings will come to the surface and you have to hear him you really have to hear him. Sometimes listening is just that listening hear him take it in and move on from there. Good luck


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:00 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

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