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we had a fight

i want to continue that discussion and i accidently closed my question
we had a fight this weekend. it was pretty big compared to others.
well first of all i was already irriated because he had been in a crappy mood since his hours got cut at work. ok i understand how men are when it comes to not working, they get depressed but i am the one that makes all the money and i pay all the bills, his money just helps out with living in between my checks. which is fine, i have no problem with that. well i asked him if he wanted to take our son and my step son (who is his son and was over for the weekend) to a snow show here in florida. he says, he isnt in the mood, well i asked him several times and he said no
so i realized what kind of mood he was in and asked if he wanted to go out just me and him..

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • well he said we didnt have the money but he would think about it...
    well he ended up going to the gym with his friend and didnt take the boys, he usually takes them, and then he went to the club
    i was so pissed, i dont mind him having me time and going out with his boys.. but dont blow me and your kids off in the mean time.. granted he does spend alot of time with us and he is very nice to us but i feel like he just really crapped on me that day.. so i brought it to his attention and we got in a huge fight.. i confronted him camly to tell him how i felt about it and he basically said "get over it"... that really made me mad so i ended up saying some things that were very hurtful and now he says he wants to leave and he doesnt want his son around me
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Seems like you guys need to compromise. I would have told him that i don't mind him going out with friends, but that it's only fair to let you know ahead of time so that y'all can discus it. He could have told you the day before "hey, i kind of feel like going out with the guys, would you mind?" Then, that would have at least given you some time to think about it & you would not have been so upset w/ him going out.

    That is whats called a compromise. If it were you that left the kids with him, then went out to a bar/club....how would have he felt? Maybe you should show him how it felt by doing it to him. I can guarantee that eh would flip out because men think it's ok for them to do it, but when wife does it....it's all of a sudden not OK.

    What kinds of things did you say that was hurtful? In the future, just know that vengeful words only make things worse.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:15 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Sounds to me like you need to sit down with him, calmly, and tell him you were just hurt that he seemed to blow you and the kids off, but that you are sorry for the hurtful things you said. Tell him you just want to put this whole argument behind you and start over. Tell him how much you love him and your family, and you appreciate all he does for you. GL
    robyann

    Answer by robyann at 11:17 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • well i said that when his son comes over he wants to spend quality time with him not just me
    and i said that becuase i usually do the fun stuff with my step son and my son.. we go to the movies, skating, bake cookies, read, etc.. my hubby usually is out playing basketball or at work ..which i dont mind i just feel like when i ask you to do something with us dont say no.. and then go to the club with yr boy becuase you needed alone time.. dont be selfish..
    so basically he felt i was calling him a bad father.. which i wasnt, he is a great father as far as showing affection and playing with them and stuff but i do feel he can be selfish at times
    he always takes the boys with him to play basketball but i still feel like that is doing what he wants to do becuase he is the one playing basketball and the boys just go and watch or run around the gym but that is still for my husbands gratification and not necessarily the boys
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • robyann, i like that idea
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Sounds like to me your dh was depressed because of his situation at work. Regardless if you make the most money or not, men like to feel that they are providing for their family and when his hours were cut, he probably felt like he failed in some way and needed time to think things through. Maybe you thought he should've taken the boys and maybe he felt that he needed time to talk with his friends and get thier perspective on things (without the boys)...KWIM?
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:09 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • sounds like its time to learn how to fight fair and saying mean hurtful things because he isnt reacting the way you want him too isnt fighting fair. When you approach him about something pick one thing, dont go at him with you bailed on me and your sons, you blew me off yu blew your sons off, go at him with Honey, I understand you need alone time, but i really feel like you ignored my needs tonight, I also needed time away from the boys. And leave the fact that he also blew off the boys out of it, dont bring up that you work and pay all the bills, that is bringing more then one thing in to the arguement, make the arguement about one thing and one thing only, if he brings something else in to it then you need to say i acknowledge that but thats not what this is about this is about...... saying mean hurtful things of course hes going to want to leave, and if you did it in front of the kids or his son that just makes it worse
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:10 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • mommie2twogirls we didnt argue in front of his son and i did tell him it was about him being selfish on that particular day NOT about his being a bad father or a bad husband because he is not HOWEVER how do you expect me to react when he says "i dont give a damn" Get over it"
    i am going to blow up
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

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