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What would you do?

My 2 year old foster son and I are staying with my parents for Christmas and before arriving I had a great conversation with my mom about my son and how we are struggling with certain issues with him (because of his past) and that it's really important that he not be babied (without explaining the whole thing, it will lead to destructive behavior ). So on day one and my mom is driving me crazy already and babying my son. By the way this is the first time they have met him as we have only been fostering him for 6 months. I get why they want to spoil him, baby him etc... but this is a very different situation being that my son is a foster child. have tried explaining this and we are now in a huge fight. What do I do and how can I handle this? I already made the I'm the parent and this is how it is speech and explained he can have fun without being coddled and babied. I am also being criticized for how I'm parenting in general.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (5)
  • Wow! I get she wants to make a good impression on her new grandson, but can you call her and just calmly talk to her and explain that DS isn't like you or her other kids and the doctor has asked you not to baby talk etc,,,,? I had to leave DS at grandmas for a couple of days as well, and he always comes back spoiled--LOL! Appeal to her mother insticts and be really clear on why you don't want this happenening, tell her you love her and know she means well, IDK this is all I can think of for you to do, good luck!

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:58 AM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • OP here, i am here with him!! We are both staying here making this a much more uncomfortable situation. She just keeps comparing it to how hse parented and my response is, "you never parented a foster child" I will keep trying!!! Thanks for the advice!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • perhaps sit down with her and share some of his background with her. Some of the reasons that you know about that make his situation different, and the difficulties you are facing with him and why you parenting techiniques are the way they are and how they help him.

    Sounds like its not sinking in that he most likely(from the little you've said) doesn't come from a loving family background and needs a different kind of parenting.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:15 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Tough situation. I wish I could help. I can only offer a few cyber hugs **HUGS!** and hope you can speak to your mother and get her to understand that sometime a rough past can truely impact your present and your future and that she just need to understand that for your child to truly benefit and grow into the child/adult he will eventually become, that she needs to treat him a certain way. It might be tough, but let her know that it's best for him in the long run and that is more important than a few smiles today. How big of a set back will it be? I mean, is there a certain amount you can deal with, too? It can be hard to get grandparents to stop spoiling! So where should you draw the line between forcing grandma to act a certain way and allowing for some wiggle room? **hugs** again and I hope it all works out for you! PS Thanks for your great work via contributing to the foster system.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • The whole comparing to her is a big thing. Let her know that what you are doing is what you feel is best for you and your family and it has no bearing on how you feel she did raising you. My mother had a huge issue with what I was doing with my son and I finally got her to tell me it was because it was so different from what she did and she thought I was saying that what she did was bad. I explained that she did the best for her family with the information that was available at the time and that is what we are doing now and I would appreciate it she respected that. She has since at least stopped lecturing me and started respecting most of my wishes with my son and now daughter too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

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