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(relationships after divorce) How do you approach committment?

I have been wanting to see what my boyfriend's long term goals are for our relationship... or any relationship in general. When normal young couples meet (before kids and divorces) normally they can dream of the progression that usually takes place in a relationship. Love, maybe moving in together, marriage, kids. It's not been long enough that I feel completely comfortable talking to him on this topic without fear of scaring him off... but we have both been getting to know eachother's kids and I don't want anyone too get way too attatched before I know that our long term goals are in line. How do I ask him if he eventually wants to move in with a partner and under what terms he'd be looking for that kind of relationship. I'm in no hurry to actually progress to that part of the relationship. I'm just wondering what kind of potential there is and how it will affect our kids.


Asked by ashleyaction at 12:38 PM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,543 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • Oh, one more thing I forgot: If you don't feel comfortable having the discussion, then it's probably not time to have that discussion. It's kind of like sex: If you are too embarassed to talk about it or buy the condoms, then you shouldn't have sex. If you find that after several months together, or you are at that point where you SHOULD feel comfortable and still don't, then it might be time to evaluate whether the relationship is actually right or if you are trying to force it.

    Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:13 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Guys are visual. Create (or have him create) a timeline and tell you where he sees himself and his life in 3 yrs, 5 yrs, 10 yrs. See if he has you in there!

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:39 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • This is kind of hard for me to answer. I've had a few relationships since my divorce, and things like that never came up. They never met my kids, it never got that serious. Then, I met my boyfriend, and we never had to really discuss this. It was just like, Oh, I love you. Oh, meet my kids and parents. Oh, let's move in together. Oh, let's buy this property and live in this mobile home and in a couple yrs, move it out and build a house. It just felt natural and progressed on its own. We are really close, and often find ourselves thinking the same way at the same time, so when one of us goes to bring something up, we've usually both already thought it out and come to a conclusion, usually the same one. I would say if it feels like you need to discuss it, then just come right out with it and say "Look, with kids involved, I think we should discuss where this might go in the future."

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:05 PM on Dec. 21, 2009