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Very torn...

ok, me and dh separated earlier this year and I moved in w/ my grandmother. mind you they really hate him. so since august we have been working on our marriage but we are not able to move back in together b/c work at his job is slow and income is little and I have been out of a job since may (still looking). We have a 1yo and a 2 yo. Well, just so happens on my freaking fertile day we had sex and the freaking condom broke! so upset. i figured not to panic b/c what are the odds that I'd get preggers. well, now my period is a week late. I talked to dh and he said if I wanted to get an abortion he'll have the money, but I'm totally scared and not sure. I mean, work is picking back up for him, I'll have my bachelors finished the same month the baby should be due. I mean, I'm scared b/c nothing is for certain & what if we don't end up together? I'm scared I'll be stuck w/ 3 kids by myself struggling.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:40 PM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I had two kids and separated with my x and filed for divorce. He came back and I got pregnant but we didn't get back together. I had to take on a new baby (total of three by then). I was in school. She was born 3 days after my last final! It was hard but we made it. It's all about hope and what you see as what you can handle. I know you will make the right choice for you

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:43 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • p.s. He did say that he'd be happy if I kept it but I think he's assuming that I want to get an abortion, but me myself, I'm not totally sure what I want to do. I just want to know if I'm being presumptions that I'd be alone in this b/c things are seeming to pick up for us. I just want to be able to say that if anything goes wrong I can support them on my own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • You need to think about your kids. Is there a way to totally support them without his help? Can you give them the life you want them to have? If you arent sure about abortion, then maybe its not the best path for you. This is something that needs to be worked out between you and DH, no matter how your relationship is right now. Explain exactly how you feel- that youd be left with 3 kids struggling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • op-
    well, I mean, if i had a job I wouldn't even consider it. but right now I just can't seem to get hired anywhere, I must have applied to over 200 jobs, some more than once. Dh isn't really helping me, he keeps saying whatever decision you want. I'll have my bachelors by next august and I don't know if I'd even have a job then.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • how much in an abortion, he can afford that but you cant afford to move in together? sounds like a cop out to me.

    Answer by TaiM at 1:06 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • i guess a big question is.. is he supporting his kids now..if you don't work it out you will get child support for 3 kids. thats over 1000 a month child support, how much does he give you for them now? like how many groceries ect?

    Answer by TaiM at 1:10 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • op-
    he gives me whatever i need to spend. he gives me his bank card and tells me to get what i need. the thing about the housing is that he'd need the down payment and the 1st mos rent, and he also needs to get his license back (long story) which is like almost 1000 for that. He said we'd be able to move in together but it won't happen probably until march or april. if he got a place now it would be an inconvenience for me and the girls. he would also need to furnish the place.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • p.s. i wouldnt get an abortion , you have 9 months to plan and find work, get better jobs, then a year if you breastfeed, plus WIC to help out... plus since you are married you can get government assistance if he really cannot afford a family of 3. there is low income housing that you pay little to no rent. what is your decision about.. you are afraid you cannot afford the baby or you do not want another kid. will your family help with the child? what is your biggest fear? that he will leave you alone with 3 kids? this decision should be on how you feel about having the child, requard less of if he is in your life your not. things change. I am not trying to be mean or anything there are lots of things to think about.. you can PM if you want. best of luck.

    Answer by TaiM at 1:18 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • You could be alone with three kids if the relationship doesn't work out or you could be alone with two kids if it doesn't work and regretting that you had an abortion just to keep your husband. I actually know someone this happened to. You just have to figure out what you can handle and what you can live with.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I really don't know what to tell you, except there is no way to guarantee you would be getting 1000 in child support for 3 kids. It's based on their dad's income and if he's not making much - you won't get much.

    Answer by missanc at 2:52 PM on Dec. 21, 2009