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Apparently I Need To "Focus on my Son" and Not Work

My husband talks to this woman he used to work with and they are kinda friendly. Nothing flirtatious, so this isn't about that. She is 19, has two kids, and doesn't work. Her son is 3 and he wasn't planned. When she was 18 she decided she wanted another baby and got pregnant with her daughter. She was working, but she had a miscarriage. She decided to try again and as soon as she found out she was pregnant, quit her job because she was afraid she'd miscarry again. My husband was laid off a few months ago and I picked up the slack and got a second job. I went from working 25 hours a week to 50. My boss at my second job noticed how hard I worked and offered me a raise if I quit my original job...I did, but I'm still working ridiculous hours. Its paying off but I'm never home. Well, a few weeks ago I was working open to close, every day, for a week and a half. My husband was kinda pissed because he was home alone a lot.


Asked by metalhealthmama at 1:24 PM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (13)
  • Well, having 2 parents who work 90 hours between the 2 of them does probably make family time a little difficult and rushed but sometimes we have to do what we have to to better things for our children. My husband used to work 16-20 hours a day 6-7 days a week to allow me to stay at home with & to homeschool our children and to provide for us. Both of us working couldn't have provided us with the income and benefits that he made from his job. He brought home $1000-$1200 a week at his job, after taxes (he worked in the oil field) and I wouldn't have even made that at a min. wage job in a month. He missed a lot for the first 12 years we had children but then things slowed down and he got a job that paid less but gave us more time together AFTER we had the house, the car and things were more stable. You do what you need to, your child will appreciate itin the long run. Her children will never appreciate her laziness.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • (...cont.) He only works 40hrs a week at his job. I'm working so much because I want to save for a house so we don't always have to rent. I'm not doing it so I can shirk parenting responsibilities. He complained to her and she, in her infinite wisdom, told him I'm acting like I don't care about my family and need to be spending time with them more! "Davey needs his mommy," were her exact words. I'm so infuriated I can hardly keep myself from grabbing the phone and telling that lazy bitch what I really think of her and how she sits on her ass and collects unemployment!!

    Answer by metalhealthmama at 1:26 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Sounds like you're the major breadwinner. You're not shirking your responsiblities. Tell your hubby he should find more work if he doesn't want you working so much! And as long as you give your son attention when you get home, then there is nothing wrong with what you're doing. So try not to let those others get to you!

    Answer by TBSNBubblegum at 1:32 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • K first of all, this 19 year old has the common sense of a kumquat and your husband does too if he takes advice from someone like her. She's a loser.

    Sit him down and tell him he needs to man up and stop whining about how hard he has it. Most men would be happy to have a wife with goals and a plan. Instead he would prefer one who sits at home on her ass and collects unemployment so she can cater to him and his kid? Give me a break.

    That bitch needs to butt out of your lives. If he won' tell her YOU tell her. She is a little girl with no concept of the real world.

    Ooooooo I'm pissed off for you now! lol

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 1:38 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I am a SAHM, and I truly believeit is important for children to have their mothers.  BUT If I had to work to help support my children I absolutely would. You sound like your taking care of business not screwing off.  There is no shame in that. That woman needs to mind her own buisness.


    Answer by MoMmY2APrince85 at 1:38 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Why is it up to only you to spend time with your child? I am sorry dad is a parent too he needs to stop crying about it (especially to a 18 y/o) and man up. We all do what we have to do to provide for our families and to get futher in life. If he feels that he can get a better job and work more hours to accomplish what you are trying to so you can stay home great but marriage is a partnership and it sounds like you are both working hard to meet your goals. This is such a silly thing for him to be upset about when you are obviously doing it for a good reason that will benefit your whole family.

    Me personally i would be a little peeved about his conversations with this girl, you say it is nothing but why would this girl go out of her way to make your husband believe your a bad mother if there wasnt more to it? at least on her end? maybe the real problem is the girl he is talking to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Perhaps part of your husband's current problem is being unemployed and either envious or simply feeling down because he isn't working? Being home alone may be giving him too much time to focus on what he doesn't currently have. The girl may essentially have the same problem and working on making herself feel better by putting you down. Clearly, you need to ignore her and get your husband to realize that you're doing what's best for your family. Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Oh, she "got a man" Lol. Of course, they break up every week and don't live together and only see each other a few times a month because neither of them has a car (which is probably a good thing because they would probably just keep poppin' out kids.

    I just love it because she's always going on about how she can "take care of me and mines." If by take care of "me and mines" she means mooch off the state, then I guess she can! Ughhh I'm so t-ed off right now!

    Answer by metalhealthmama at 1:45 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Hang in there and don't let what she said get to you. Most of the time I work normal hours but during tax season I have min. 55 hour weeks. I don't mind it though. It pays well and has great potential and the company is very flexible so I can take time off as needed for doc appointments and day care events. I also know that when I'm working extra, dd gets to spend quality time bonding with daddy or grandparents. How is that neglect? kids don't *need mommy*. They *need* love and attention and quality time. That can come from mom, dad, siblings, aunt/uncles and grandparents even family friends. No where does it say mommy must be the only person to care for child. So as long as you know you've made the best decision for yoru family and that they are cared for, why let anyone else make you feel bad?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Your child will need you around so much more between the ages of 12 and 18 than right now. Now is the time to establish your career and get a good jump on retirement and college savings.

    How does the 19 year old support her family? What is she teaching her children about building a secure future?

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:44 PM on Dec. 21, 2009