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How else can we help stepdaughter not be jelouse sharing fathers time with me or others?

I recenly found out Iam 3 m/ pregnant, and when we broke the news to my 12 y/o stepdaughter her response was "oh god..." (rolling her eyes and immedialty change d the subject.) Her mother also prego but s/d is always talking about it and "really happy!" in her words.
We have always gotten along previous to this and since we found out about my pregnancy (tying for 1 1/2 yrs) she has been sort of mean and unkind towards me. Exmples: trying to make me throw up in the car when i feel nauseous and laughing. At the mall walking away w/ dad to loose me while i was calling him, only she heard. When my husband is hugging me or says one nice things to me like "you look beautiful today" she starts to get quiet and escalates to crying, & she doesnt know why., I have pushed for an answer and she says its her stomach. He spends alone time w/ her and says nice things toher too. I spend alone time w. her and help her w/ anything i can.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Dec. 21, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • 12 is a tricky age for any girl especially if your daddys little girl, it is probably easier to think of sharing mom then it is dad especially if she lives with mom. If she doesnt live with you then she probably worries that a new baby will take over dads life. I would include her as muich as possible with plans for the new baby let her help you pick things out ask her ideas on names, tell her what a great big sister she will make and let her know how important it is to you that she is a part of this.

    I was in the same situation except i was the child and my moms pregnancy was exciting, my father having another child sucked royally and it turned out that once he had that child i wasnt a priority anymore, even today he admits it is true that he just sort of left me hanging figuring my mom would work it all out. Just continue to let her know and show her that you include her in your new family.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 2:28 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Why are you pushing for an answer when you know the answer? That's just mean. She probably knows you will get meaner when the child comes and dreads it. Her mom is probably got a better atttude and not pushing her about anything. I think the jealousy is on your part. You knew she wanted to be with dad at the mall yet you called him to get attention back on yourself. She picks up on that. Her world will change forever when this new kid comes and you wonder what's up? That's just silly. You know exactly why she does what she does. You are taking dad from her and will make him give more time and attention to the new one and root her out of his life. It reminds me of the movie "UP" where the little boy's step mom tells Russell he calls his dad too much and keeps dad from him. Leave the girl alone and let her have all the time with dad she wants bc we know it will be short lived when the baby gets here.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • thank you 3 ring circus, for your help, I would like to add that i have been devoting extra time to her, and so has dad. I have even included her on anything baby related, but she shuts down and doesnt want to talk about it or still changes the subject. My husband loves his daughter and so do I. It sort of makes me sick and nauseos to think she is mean and so unkind to me when i genuinly and lovingly try to make things better for her and she still is mean.
    My fear now is that what if im at work and she does the crying thing, and my infant child needs dad to pick hi/her up? and she pulls at him to ingnore..... it makes me sad...
    crazy thing is, I MAY BE CARRYING TWINS
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Looks like Dad has more work to do with his daughter. She isn't acting out for nothing. She feels threatened and needs to be reassured that she is still number one in her father's life(of course along with all of his other kids). If everything was as dandy as you described she wouldn't be acting the way she is right? Something is missing. Your husband needs to find out what it is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

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