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So scared i wont be able to have my own children. Is this silly? What if she was my only baby?

I cant help but thinking maybe she was the only one for me. What if I gave up my only baby. I want my own kids someday but Im afraid. Has anyone else ever thought about this. Am I being silly??

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Asked by kirstenshaye at 2:48 PM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (14)
  • I worried all the time growing up if I would be able to have kids. I was adopted and didn't know much about my family at all. We have two beautiful girls. I think everyone worries about that from time to time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Now this is going to sound foolish(on my end, not yours!). When I was a teen and thought I was in love we tried to have a baby for 2 years and nothing(God knew what he was doing, that time!). I wrote poems on how I felt my womb was nothing more than an empty tomb. I got pregnant for the first time when I was 18(2-3 years after trying initially) and had no intentions of trying to be! My point is ths, maybe when you stop wanting it so badly it will happen!? Its kinda like waiting on a rebate; you get when you forget about it! I'm guessing you've been praying on this!!!! So I will further add this belief: God is not ignoring but will answer you when His time is right, not ours. You see God takes His time in answering prayers not to torture us but instead be greatful for His answer! Maybe you are going through some things or maybe your dh/so and the timing just isn't right!? But I swear and promise you that if its meant to be it

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Dec. 21, 2009


    I saw your post and what you chose to do was amazing, and fear is perfectly normal and not silly at all.  I saw that you are only 18 years old, I hope it makes you feel better to know that you haven't even reached your peak fertility age range, which if I remember right is 20 through 28/29. Now you just need to make sure to take good care of yourself and perhaps seek some post adoption counseling to help you get though.


    Answer by MiddletonFamily at 3:07 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • You are still young. You will have more chances. You did an amazingly difficult thing in letting someone else love your child. She will always be your child, but you decided what was best for her no matter how hard it was for you. That takes a lot of guts. But if you're not still in counseling for this, I would get back into it because you're looking at a long time ahead of you for struggling with this event.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • will be!!! I am a strong believer in God and His love. Be paitient and do not lose faith or hope! Best wishes, good luck, and God bless!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Bryson's mother felt this way. Because, she was going to get her tubes tied. After they decided on adoption, she then decided that she would not get them tied since she was young and figured the chances or her wanting a child later in life were pretty great. One thing to remember, though, is that nothing is guaranteed. Anything can happen.

    Answer by babycakes254 at 8:13 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • When I was an early pre-teen I wanted more than anything to have a child, not for the reasons of being a mom, but because I wanted to have my brother back again. My brother died and people would say when you have your own child you will see him in them and he will live on forever. So I worried I would have a girl and not boy. True worry and dread. Then one day I feared, for good reason, I would never have a child of my own. What it boiled down to was I feared I would never have my brother back again. And its true. I will never have my brother back. That kind of grief is so raw and intense. As years went by the ache was there but shock was worn off. It wasn't so raw but mostly there was a hard crusty scab over this deep wound that still there to this day. There are times when it still creeps up from seemingly nowhere. The wound is from the grief over the death of my little brother - not from being unable to

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:28 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • have a biological child. I certainly can imagine the intensity of grief and pain as well as the fears that come along with loss. They are real and not imagined. For years my mother would panic that something would happen to me and my remaining sibling. She knew that loosing another child was possible because there are no guarantees in this life. That's just it. Life is not fair or unfair, it just is. The hole you may feel may never completely heal but mostly time helps. You know there is no guarantee another child will come along and you know no one can ever take the place of the child you had. What I do know is that we put one foot in front of the other and we just keep moving forward.  We take each day as it comes until one day it isn't as bad as it was before.  You have a right to wonder, to be unsure, have a right to grieve.  No feeling is silly or stupid when it comes to a loss.


    Answer by frogdawg at 9:38 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • kirstenshaye, I have been following your posts as well, and I believe what you are thinking and feeling is perfectly normal. This holiday is no doubt bringing out the sadness and loss, worry and fear all the more. You were created to be a mother. You are a mother now, and I believe that you will be again. I agree with the previous posters and want to encourage you to continue in counseling and take care of yourself. That way you can be there for your little girl and any future sons and daughters that you may have. Don't count yourself out yet. God has a plan for your life. A perfect plan. Hugs to you!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 10:47 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • It's very normal.. For the past 2 1/2 years it's all I've thought about. What if the son I placed for adoption would be the only child I ever have? What if I don't get married? What if I can't have anymore kids?

    These questions will kill you if you let them. You will be a mother again someday and you'll deserve to be.

    I think a part of the reason why some birthmothers fear that the only child they'll ever be able to have they relinquished is because we feel like we'll be punished. I know that's exactly how I feel, but more of my fears lies with being able to find a husband AND have children. I feel so unworthy...

    I know what you're going through is soo.. just... awful. It's a nightmare. I am so sorry... I'm here if you ever need anything.

    Answer by rainfalls at 11:38 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

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