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how do i mAKE THIS WORK?

we have been fighting a lot. a lot, a lot. but we still love eachother. but its come to the point where we have been at our lowest to be mean to eachother. i want to make this work, but iam not sure how... can i get some advise please.

 
krisew90

Asked by krisew90 at 4:13 PM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Don't fight?
    When the first one raises their voice, one of you walk away and say "this will go nowhere, we'll only say things we'll regret, so let's stop till we've both calmed down".
    Work on better communication skills and read everything you can on how to communicate with males. They don't process things the way we do and it sounds like we're nagging at them or critisizing...
    Every time he does something that makes you so mad you wanna bite nails... then of 3 things he does that you appreciate or love about him.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 4:23 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • You just had db right!? You might be hormonal! I would sit him down for a chit chat and tell him how you are feeling and why(as calmly as possible/without yelling even if it has to be through gritted teeth!). Maybe he wants to reach out to you but doesn't know how, and instead of saying what you guys want to you're being mean to each other. Its kinda like middle-high school: you're mean to the one you like because you're too afraid or nervous to make a move so it comes out all wrong! Break the ice with a movie he would like but you could bare to watch!!!! Once he is relaxed then strike up the convesation, but don't be pushy or demanding but instead eager to listen, don't get combative or tit for tat when he says something you don't like or disagree with!!! GL!!! Get some beer/ his favorite and some wings.
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 4:29 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • You may need some time off from one another or some time just for the two of you to be a couple. You need to realize what first made you fall in love and what is keeping you together. If you take a break from one another (with terms of no cheating) then you need to realize why you love being around one another and why you need one another.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 4:32 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Be the better person & apologize first. Don't ever hit below the belt when fighting. Calling each other names & being mean only makes you guys respect each other less.

    Have some class & don't be so mean. Try to sit down & make an agreement not to hit below the belt when fighting. Make a fighting guidline. Give each other time to talk & let it out without interrupting, & then have each of you take turns until it is all out on the table. You can even get a timer & allow the other person to speak his mind (without hitting below the belt) then when the timer is up, it's the other persons turn.

    Both of you guys probably have a lot of feelings & issues pent up. You need to communicate that without purposely harming the other persons feelings.

    Remeber that hitting below the belt never helps. It only makes things worse.

    You need to apologize & learn to argue with class.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:57 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Why are you fighting?

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 5:12 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I did that with SO for over 3 yrs. I finally gave up. I got tired of fighting so I just stopped. Now he's treating me very well. So consider backing up and changing your strategy. He might try to pick a fight but just laugh or let it go. He'll finally stop. Mine did and I never in a million years thought he would stop. He thinks he got his way (he likes to control) but I figure I'm controlling things by not fighting! We both think we're right. It works for me!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:17 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Hubby and I did that for years. We finally realized something... Love and Respect for each other should be unconditional - regardless weather the other one 'deserves' it or not.


    "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33.


    Regardless if you are a Christian or not, as women we often forget the 'respect' part (I know I did)... it doesn't mean to be a doormat and let him walk all over you, it means to be respectful with your words, and the way you act.



    CONT >>

    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 7:36 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • This Love and Respect message is about how the wife can fulfill her need to be loved by giving her husband what he needs -- respect. And the husband can fulfill his need to be respected by giving his wife what she needs -- love. I recommend this book - it changed our lives! Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 7:36 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

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