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should I leave now or after Xmas?

So I was planning on leaving my DH after Xmas. Letting the kids have one last good day with him and then leaving while they're on break from school. I told him already I was planning on leaving after Xmas, and he thinks if he says he cna't live without me it will make me stay. But we were more or less "fighting", just not getting along today at all, and I'm so tempted to just pack up some bags and leave. But Xmas is only a few days away, and I hate to make the kids suffer(any more) because I'm fed up. would it better to just leave? Or should I wait? I think I should wait, but don'tknow if that's just the chicken in me talking or not...


Asked by Anonymous at 6:56 PM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • If u put up with the problem this long I'm sure u can put up with it a couple more days.

    Answer by officerdouglas at 7:06 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • if you guys can be relatively civil and bear to get along just until the holidays are over, i think that would be much better.

    you are always going to have a relationship because of your children so you better start practicing getting along now, because thats what you'll have to do for the rest of your children's lives.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 6:59 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I definitely wouldn't want to take my kids away from their dad right before Christmas. It is hard enough for children when their parents separate and/or divorce, and having it happen before Christmas may just ruin the whole holiday for them. They also may hold it against you that they were unable to see their dad on Christmas.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Unless its an abusive realionship why do you have to leave? i know its horrible for kids to hear you fight.but please at least try to stay together. give eachother hope. you took vows for a reason and god will not put you through anything thats not possible to conquer. so please try to make it work. or at least stay there for a few more days with thekids and have their last christmas there. im not a therapist or anything but i really wish i could help you save your marriage i really do. i know things are hard right now but try saving this for you guys. it sounds like you really love eachotherd just are going through some tough times. msg me if u want to talk

    Answer by Armywifelovely at 7:01 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I agree with Tnt. Your children should come first, just because you are fed up is not a good reason to ruin what is supposed to be a happy time of year for them. Put on your fake happy face and ignore what bothers you about the husband. I am also wondering if you guys have tried counseling? I wouldn't give up a family because you fight a lot if you haven't figured out the root of the fighting that isn't fair to anybody.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 7:02 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I would stick it out until after Christmas unless the environment is hostile. It will hurt the kids whichever way you decide to go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • OP here...

    It might be savable, It might not. I have being fighting an uphill battle for 3 yrs! sometimes are okay, but more often than not it's hell. It is abusive. you name it we've been through it. Deployments, lving with the in-laws, money problems, communication problems, cheating(every kind of way there is to cheat--email, phone, websites, real live), Even stuff beyond our control like having kids with special needs. Every time I say I can't take it anymore he promises he'll stop, or he's sorry, and then what? maybe months go by, and he's back to the same shit. I AM leaving. I was just so tempted to hit the road tomorrow....but I will wait until after Xmas.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • If it gets too bad, let the kids stay in their home for xmas and you visit your parents or friends then come and get them xmas night or the next day. You can always tell him you want to call a truce from fighting for the kids sake.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:08 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • OP here...

    He agreed to counseling once upon a time(one of his empty promises to make me stay) and then backed out when I found one and asked him what day worked best for him. And he wouldn't pay for just me to go. There are many roots of the problem. I know I have many faults and don't help matters sometimes. But just how much am I supposed to put up with? The few people who know all the dirty little details think I should've left yrs ago, and don't understand why I'm still here. And you know what? I dont' either! Not anymore.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • OP..

    If I had any friends or family to stay with I would. But I don't. Not ONE. All my friends live in the computer or are hundreds of miles away...or both. All the times I've wanted to run to a friends house and cry and couldn't. Or just wanted a playdate with our kids. I am all alone. A house full of people, always surrounded by people, and all alone. I'm tired of being so lonely. I'm tired of putting on the fake happy face. What an idiotic thing to do. I want to be really happy. I want to have a real happy face. I will be going back home across 3 states when I leave. Not across town or anything. Which is why I wanted to wait till after Xmas.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:20 PM on Dec. 21, 2009