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I have been thinking

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. The past year has been very hard on our relationship! Seems like I can not do anything to make him happy! I am so sick trying. He says I don't keep the house clean enough and that I am to bitchy. I work 40 hours a week just like him. i drop our LO off at daycare I pick her up I make her meals and bathe her and so on! I just wish I knew what would make him happy! I am about done with the whole thing... My thoughts have gone from what else can I do to make him happy with me to maybe I should just cut my losses and divorce him. I just do not know if it worth fighting a winless battle. I am just so torn. I love him with all my heart but trying to please him is killing me!!!!! I want my daughter to grow up with her parents married like I did but do not know what else to do for him!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Dec. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I wonder if you and he ever get date nights- go out together and even just have a meal and walk a bit and talk. Better yet would be an occasional weekend away- a nice Bed and Breakfast or a small inn. A time to reconnect without job and child care responsibilities distracting you. It sounds as though you are exhausted. Please try counseling before you make a decision. Good luck, and (((hugs.)))
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:39 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • We are kinda stuck because we do not have anyone to care ofr our LO. We both have family near by, but they are too busy to watch her even for an hour... I am exhausted!!! I don't want to leave but I am too tired to keep going like this!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I am sorry you feel this way, and going through this. You can not be responsible for his happiness. The only person you control is YOU!!! A person should NOT have to jump through hoops and bend over backwards to make someone else happy at YOUR expense. A marriage is work but it should be from both for you. Also you can not stay together just for "her" sake. A happy mom is more important than having mom and dad in the same home miserable. I am not saying give up, I am not saying to leave, I am saying you can only make YOU happy. I wish you the best and hope things work out the way you want, but remember who you are and never lose that person.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 10:45 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Stop trying to please him. Please yourself. The stress will reduce dramatically. You don't have to divorce him, just quit trying to make him happy. Only he can make himself happy. Ignore his bad behavior and just live life. If that doesn't work then try a separation but don't let him walk all over you. Men like that push women to the ground and walk on them then whine that they don't respect them for allowing themselves to be treated like that! Men can be crazy. Don't let him make you crazy too!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:51 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Thank you midnighmomma I have lost who I am and maybe that is a big part of the problem! I have forgotten how to be the woman I am. My hubby has not always been this may just in the last year. I have over looked a lot, but anytime something is a little off he is freaking out. My house is never spottless, but I do clean just does not seem like it because the LO loves to put toys everywhere. I get off 1 hour before Hubs and he wants me to be able to pick up the LO and have dinner waiting on him when he gets home. I get home at 4:30 he gets here a 5:15 just not possible to get it all done!!! He comes in the door plops down on the couch and watches TV until he falls asleep leaving me to clean up dinner, bathe, and put the LO to bed... No wonder I have lost my self I do not have time to look for my self
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • Maybe if you drop your child off with a babysitter and go out alone together, that it might help spark up the relationship again.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:21 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • i think all relationships hit their hard times and you are currently in a hard time with yours, sometimes the hard times last longer then others, i would sit down with him and tell him straight out how you are feeling, if you were a stay at home mom maybe it would be easier for YOU to do it all around the house, but you guys relie on both incomes (im guessing) so you need his help keeping the house as clean as he wants it, it takes two to keep a household running, different relationships run with different aspects of how to keep the household running, for exsample in mine i stay home and hubby busts ass outside the home, so when hes home i dont ask for much help, if i were working u bet ur ass he would be helping or giving up the right to bitch and moan
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 11:53 PM on Dec. 21, 2009

  • I agree with admckenzie. It seems like the more you try to please him, the worse things are and I've been in that position before. They always say, if it's not working, then why continue to do the same thing? I am not saying divorce your husband but I am saying that trying to please him is not working because you can try for days, weeks, months and the first time he puts you down about something you feel like a failure again. Stop validating yourself through him. Just do what you can do. Do what you want to do, what feels right to you. Keep your house the way you want it, take care of your child the way you think should be done and make yourself happy. If he says anything just ignore him. I would tell him that unless he has something positive or helpful to say that you don't wish to hear it and make YOURSELF happy. You can't control his actions, only your reactions. Good luck. I wish you happiness!!
    Comfycozy77

    Answer by Comfycozy77 at 1:09 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Thank you ladies.. every comment was right on. I just get so down seeing him mope around complaining I feel like a failure as a wife and mom. I just wish he could see I am doing my best to keep up with all the bills, taking care of our LO and cleaning the house, but when I get home from work I am exhaused and want to spend quality time with the baby. I am up till at least 1 am and have to be at work by 6:45 am and live a hour away from work so I have to be out of the house by 5:30 am. It gets to me sometimes and I let things go simply because I just don't have the energy to get them done. He just thinks I am lazy. He say "women have been doing what you can't for thousands of years". Thanks dear for that vote of cofidence! I am so over his opinions! I would rather have a cluttered house and a happy child then to have a clean house and a child that is neglected!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

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