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When do you say enough is enough?

I am in tears and distraught right now. I think everything has hit me like a ton of bricks. My fifteen year old son has been seeing a probation officer from skipping school and not following house rules. I have tried everything and I mean everything to change his attitude around and be the person I raised him to be. He is getting worse and I have given him so many chances to change before I let them put him in a group home. They courts have warned him that if he doesnt start listening to my rules and going to school that the state will take him and put him in juvi! everyone is on my side as far as they know i have done everything I can to prevent this from happening. But he didnt come home tonight, and although I know where he is the police will not do anything until the morning when I call his PO! can u believe that. Well I feel like I have to let him go to juvi, is the only way a out of control teen will get a reality check?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:05 AM on Dec. 22, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (21)
  • also please note that, I have tried to get him help but he will not go to the appointments I set up for him. I even got him a mentor and refuses to meet with them! I dont know why he is not taking me seriously when I say he is going away if he doesnt shape up. He takes me as a joke because he knows I love him and I prevented him from going to juvi so far. I am tired of him promising me and others that he will change! and to those who will say your the parent make his butt listen, do not judge me! he is to damn old to be beat. I have slapped him before for cussing at me, and that got me no where. I have even locked him in his room and he went out the second floor window! I bring him to school and almost every day the school calls and says he just walked out. So now what do I do now? Do I put him away for a little while and hope that will scare him? what do you do when you have tried everything else?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • this is coming from someone that WAS an out of control teen, and almost had to go to juvi for the same reasons (among other reasons also). There is a reason for this behavior and instead of focusing on the bad he is doing, try to find out why he is doing it and and also make sure he knows you are there for him and that ;you love him no matter what he does!!
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 3:11 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • A few more things...sorry I can only type so much in one box.
    Yes I have talked to him, yes i tried to go over to where he is at tonight and the police told me that there was nothing I could do until the morning. How does system allow this. I live in Boston.
    So slappng him for talking sh*t to me, taking things away, punishing him, talking to him, etc....has not helped!! now what?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I hate to say it, if he is going out of his way to defy you, only option left is the reality check. From what you said, you tried everything from trying to correct him to trying to get help. He may shape up... and he may not. I may not have had a troublesome teen, but I was a teen and knew the kind. One didn't change until he was forced into military school and became a marine, he now is the most honorable young man I ever knew. Another... nothing could change him... he is in prison for life for murdering and raping an 80 year old woman. Don't give up, don't blame yourself, use your strong support system and know that you are doing your best.
    sadchildlessme

    Answer by sadchildlessme at 3:15 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • @Mikayla...For sure. He knows I love him! If I didnt I wouldnt care what he does. I have tried to talk to him and figure out what is really going on. He told me that he knows I love him and that he loves me but he doesnt show it! he sees me cry all the time and yet he still does it. He knows he is killing me slowly. I have three other children to think about as well when I am stressing. I am a single mom trying to raise him the best way I cant. I am in school right now and my grades are dropping because of all the stress he is putting me through. He knows that I love him and will always be there for him, thats why he is doing this! He thinks he is untouchable, that I will not send him to a group home to smarten him up. I have to make up my mind by tomorrow. Do I do what my mind is telling me what is right. I think that maybe this will smarten him up, or it could ruin him. He is calling me bluff!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I used to work for the schools and I have seen this play out before, there will come a point and it sounds like you have hit it where there is nothing you can do but let him pay the price for his actions. One of two things will happen, he will either learn from the experience or it will just get worse but right now he is the only one who can decide which way it will go. It sounds to me as if he feels that you have always made things work out so that he stays out of juvi and he assumes that you will continue to do so and that it will never come to that. Maybe what he needs is to see that these are not idle threats that his actions have consequences to them and he has to pay the price. I know its hard but you can not continue to beat your self up and if you have other kids at home it is unfair to put them through this.

    I am very sorry you are going through this, call his PO and talk to them.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 3:16 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • @3 ring circus....thank you for your understanding. I do believe he may have to learn the hard way, but now that christmas is here this is going to kill me doing this right now. But if I let him not coming home happen again, then he is really going to call me bluff...and think he is still going to have a jolly christmas!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • It's time for him to take the consequences for his own behavior. So I would let the police take him and place him where they think he will get the help he needs. There are no guarantees, but it might be enough of a shock to make him get his act together. The fact that it is Christmas could be the perfect timing. This is the age when children, especially boys, really need the strong arm of a father, so perhaps your son will meet that father figure in whatever facility he is placed. Mom's voice begins to sound less authoritative along about this age and if you have been soft on him before now, he is counting on your remaining that way. It is time for some tough love, and it will be hard on you, too, but it is the necessary thing to do.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:07 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Military school not juvi.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Is his father in the picture? If not then get him a big brother from big brothers big sisters, and don't let him have the option of going on his own take his ass there and make him spend time with the BB request a big brother that either was a problem teen or is tough enough to deal with him. He needs a positive male influence he is getting his male bonding from hi punk ass friends I promise you that. Put bars on the windows to keep him in.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:53 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

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