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Stay or go?

My DH works outside the home & I am a SAHM. He does very little housework (maybe the dishes once a week & that's it). Our house is constantly a mess. He does not pick up after himself, doesn't put things back where they belong, leaves dirty dishes & trash all over. I have to clean up after him 90% of the time. I also have a 20 month old DD, a 15 year old SD, 5 cats, & a dog that I do most everything for. DH does very little parenting as well; I feel like a single parent to DD & SD much of the time. SD has PTSD from abuse & neglect from her BM, so she is very emotionally needy, etc.
Even when I was in college p/t he wouldn't help me & I had to drop out (lost my financial aid too). I took this semester off to try to fix our marriage- nothing has changed.
Every time I leave something to DH it doesn't get done, even when he PROMISES he will do it. He would rather sit in front of the tv or computer.
(continued in reply)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:18 AM on Dec. 22, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I get the whole totally useless DH thing, but mine parents because he has no choice ( I work shifts). But you lost me with the whole suicide thing.

    People who use suicide as a threat are what I call emotional terrorists. They hold you hostage with that threat. If counselling isn't working, I don't think anything will change him. You either have to accept life as it is if you don't want to be without him or kick his useless lazy ass to the curb and deal with the consequences. IMO if he pulls the suicide thing after you kick him out he is using it to get back at you. People don't go from not suicidal to suicidal in a heartbeat. He has issues that aren't your fault and if he does kill himself it'll be HIS fault, not yours.
    sgtdemanda

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 6:47 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • (OP cont.)
    SD has lived with us for 17 months & we still don't have legal custody (or any c/s) because he hasn't gotten us a lawyer. I found our 1st lawyer & started the complaint process when he ran off with our $$, but DH never did anything else about it. He has never taken her to the doctor, dentist, or eye doctor for checkups. I can't do any of these things since I am not a legal guardian. I finally lied last week to get SD a counseling appt, saying she is my daughter, because she told DH that she was having suicidal thoughts. I did that with her last 2 counselors as well.
    I am afraid to kick him out (we live in my house so I will not be leaving) because I don't want to lose my best friend. I love him so much as my best friend- he is funny & sweet & gets me so well. I'm also afraid he will kill himself (he has attempted before). But I am so unhappy. What do I do? We are already in marriage counseling, but it's not working.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:30 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Sometimes getting kicked to the curb is a wake up call my mom did that with my dad when I was a teen and he cleaned up his act and they got back together a year and a half later. He needs a wake up call. Send him to a friend so that he isn't alone alone if you are very worried. He needs a wake up call.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:41 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • THIS QUESTION IS DIFICULT BECAUSE YOU REALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT.. YOUR HUSBAND IS BEING SELFISH AND NON CARING. FOR TWO DAYS JUST STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING... THERE ARE BUT SO MANY THINGS YOU CAN DO WITHOUT BREAKING DOWN BODILY.. DONT YELL, SCREAM, COOK.. JUST FEED THE ANIMALS. REFLECT ON YOURSELF.. TAKE THE TIME TO LEAVE THE HOUSE WITH THE BABY... TAKE IT FROM ONE WHO SLOWED DOWN.. LOET HIM SEE WHAT U FEEL.. THEY CAN'T SEE IF YOU KEEP DOING IT... I AM STILL LEARNING.. STOP FEELING GUILTY TOO..

    BABEKIDS06
    babekids06

    Answer by babekids06 at 6:52 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Agree w/ all pp. You have to decide what you want out of your life. You are dealing w/ the difference between your hopes & expectations & the reality of what you married. When its all said & done do you love him? Do you want to be w/ him? Answer this ? for yourself & you'll know what you have to do.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 7:13 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Don't let his suicide threats make you stay. It could be that he's depressed and needs medication or couseling. I would try that first, but if that doesn't work then what else can you do? You already do everything around the house, and if he isn't going to take responsibility and do his part .. .Basically it's either step up or get out. Ya know?
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:29 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

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    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 11:58 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

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