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Still fighting about sex!

My fiance and I can't seem to stop arguing about sex -- he wants to do it every day (or "at least" every other day)... and that doesn't always work for me. I am pregnant with twins, I work full time and we already have a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old! Anyway, I don't "require" sex as much as he does... and he just doesn't seem to get that. Also, when he wants to do it, he just says something like "So, did you wanna do anything tonight?" Like that's gonna get me in the mood?! LoL. Sooo we had a big fight this morning because last night he wanted to have sex and I wanted him to rub my back first -- that is our routine... it relaxes me and gets me more in the mood. But he didn't want to do that.. .he said he had to get up early and it would just make him have to stay up longer! So I told him "If you are too tired to do something that takes 10 minutes or less, then we don't need to have sex because that takes at least 25-30 minutes."


Asked by JenMarie2007 at 9:02 AM on Dec. 22, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • If he doesn't want to give you a 10 minute back rub when you're pregnant with HIS TWINS then I'd say go fly a kite jackass. Seriously, can he be any more selfish?

    My husband complains he doesn't get enough either...we have 17 month old twins and I work 12 hour shifts on a rotating 2 day 2 night schedule. He does as little as possible to help out, so I put out if and when I feel like it. If he wants to go cheat on me, then I meant very little to him to begin with.

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 9:14 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • And then I went to sleep. LoL. So this morning he was all pissed off about it. All we do is fight about sex. He thinks that he shouldn't have to do anything to get ME in the mood, I should just be ready. lol. What would you do if that were you?

    Anyway, the real point of this question is ... how often do you and your SO have sex ... and do you fight about it? I just wanna get an idea of how much other people are doing it so I know how normal WE are in that area. lol

    Answer by JenMarie2007 at 9:04 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Sounds like you both need to recognize each others needs and compromise.

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 9:04 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • My Dh is bipolar and has arthritis through his entire spine. So needless to say sex for him is not that enjoyable. My sex drive is far more than his. Every two weeks seem to be our routine unless his pain is less one day or his mood changes. No we don't fight about it.

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 9:07 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • when the fights stop and you have not given him more sex then he found it with someone else. there is always someone waiting in the wings to get your man. it's up to you to decide what you want, him with you or with another woman

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Well, I guess it's different in your case because women are more understanding about things like that than men are. My fiance just DOES NOT understand when I tell him I'm too tired, I don't feel good, etc. It's like it goes in one ear and out the other and all he cares about is HIS needs.

    Answer by JenMarie2007 at 9:08 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Anon, in my opinion ... if he would actually cheat on me because I'm not doing it enough then I guess that would show me that he never really cared about me anyway. He has never cheated on me and I don't think he would... but if he did then I guess I would be better of f without him anyway!

    Answer by JenMarie2007 at 9:09 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • me and my dh do not fight about it but it seems that we are never in the mood at the same time. We have been married about 4-5 months. We now do it about 2 or so times a week.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:12 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Its not about him just sating an itch. He needs the sex to feel intimate. And Intimacy keeps that love alive. Would you create a fire and deny it wood and expect it to still flame? relationships need intimacy and you are denying that. He is denying your needs by not working you up to it. I think your using the "i'm tired and pregnant" as a crutch because you know he's not going to give you what you want. Tell him. Make him understand what you need. if he doesn't listen then he's a fool and I'd have serious doubts that the marriage will last.

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 9:13 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • My husband has wanted sex every single day too for a long time. since he's chosen for things other than our kids and me to be his focus that leaves less time for intimacy. Finally he understands that plus understands that him wanting sex so often with me isn't troublesome it's that he's so demanding verbally in a way that he doesn't do other things that are as important in our relationship.

    Don't let him bully you into sex no matter if you're pregnant or not. My husband was so much into sex that I couldn't even nurse our baby infront of him without it setting him off, and I was covered up not hanging out all over. Counselling sooner would have eased my stress. My husband's a twin I understand the stress and twin relationships in a family. Even so you must not let yourself be put down and bullied. Pestering, nagging for sex is bullying. Get counselling now to make him understand. If that doesn't work thn you'll go on.

    Answer by lfl at 9:27 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

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