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does every wife go through this with their husband or am i the "lucky" girl.

So i am a stay at home mom we own our own business and my hubby is also a manager at a company. Well we are living somewhere where we both dont wanna be but it is slim pickings and havent came across anything to buy yet. So as a girl idk if anyone else is like me but it is hard to wanna keep everything up and nice when you dont feel like it is even worth it until you move... i clean cook do laundry and take care of my LO what else does he want jees... he told me that he thinks im not cut out for a sahm b/c he thinks if i got a job and left my child with someone that i'd feel better and actually do more in life WTH does THAT mean... ugh i really just feel hate towards him sometimes.. oh and i forgot to mention im pregnant again.. so him telling me im not cut out to be a sahm hurts and idk what to do now..

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Dec. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Sounds like maybe you could be a bit depressed. While he worded it poorly, I think I can see his point. I think he was trying to say that he thinks you're feeling a bit down and that if you got out of the house some, you might feel better. I don't know that you necessarily need to get a job, but maybe see about trading babysitting with someone so you can get out of the house sometimes and do something just for you, see if it helps you feel better. It sounds like you do everything that you need to and should do as a sahm, so I don't know what else he would expect of you. And I could be reading this whole thing wrong, but I just got the feeling from the way you wrote it that you might be feeling a bit down. Getting out of the house some, even with your child just to the park or something, might really help you. As for what he actually said, sit down and tell him how it made you feel. Men don't always think.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:57 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • some times guys don't understand. been through that.. well hubby never said i wasn't cut out to be a stay at home mom , but he said i just sit around all day not doing anything.. a lot of moms had it the same way if you look at all the post around cafemom.

    Answer by TaiM at 9:58 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Give him a taste of his own medicine. Tell HIM he is not cut out to be a manager at a company. I would turn it right around and ask him if he would feel better if he got to stay home and take care of the house, take care of your LO, and be pregnant. I'm sure he'll see your point really quick. If what YOU want to do is be a SAHM...then he needs to back off.... some men don't realize how difficult it is to stay at home and do EVERYTHING.

    Answer by kaylan010 at 10:04 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Sorry, but you're not "lucky". LOL. I just found out that I'm preggers again too. For the 4th time. It was unexpected to say the least. Between cooking, laundry, homework, extra activites for school for the older kids, breaking up sibling fights, dealing w/ a terrible 2 y/o, who hasn't even reached 2 yet, and everything else, I'm sooooo tired that I don't wanna do anything. However I feel that I have to keep the house clean etc. because I'm not working. Every fight my hubby and I have, he throws it in my face that he's working, and I'm pretty much doing nothing. It hurts, and it sucks, but w/ some guys, that's just the way it is. They don't understand, because they don't go through what we do, and they don't know how hard it is. Where you feeling this way before the pregnancy? As long as it isn't financially hurting you not to have a job, I'd say you need to do what you feel is right for you. Not what's right for your hubby.

    Answer by HappyEndings at 10:06 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I would keep the house in better order. Men think we don't do anything all day as SAHM. i babysit full time and have a 13 month old. BELIEVE me I am busy ALL the time. But I'm expected to keep the house in order, cook, do laundry, and whatever else. I use to get into huge fights with my hubby because it's stressful being a SAHM when the kid has been crying all day, dinner just burned in the oven, the washer is off balance and moving across the floor, the cat is meowing like a crazy thing, and all along your hubby is sitting there on the couch staring at the TV complaining about all the noise. HA I've been where you are soooo many times. But now I have come to the realization that this is where I live and i need to make the most of it. But I honestly Love our place now that we have furniture. :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I don't think he insulted you by saying that. I think he see's your potential may be greater in another field. You can be good at something and better at something else. He's not saying you are a bad SAHM. It sounds like he has seen you as both SAHM and a career woman and thinks you probably exhibit a more positive attitude in one over the other. Being a SAHM can drain a person. I am guessing he's misreading things. Men can't figure out that being pregnant and being a SAHM can zap a woman! Don't be hard on him. He's "just a man". LOL

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:13 AM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • You're not the only one. I felt that way before we bought our house. I liked our apartment well enough but it had problems that the owner didn't want to fix. So between that, living on the second floor and climbing scary, old, need to be replaced stairs, chasing after my three year old, being pregnant and not being able to stand the downstairs neighbors noise all night long, I wasn't thrilled with keeping a spotless house and a smile on my face all day. It feels totally not worth it when where you're living in a lousy place. I think it's okay to cook, clean and take care of your LO. Men have no clue what it is like to be a SAHM especially when the housing situation is not ideal. What he said was wrong but if he's like mine, he'll say he meant no offense and was only offering an idea. I doubt they would like it if we said the same to them. Let it roll off. That is all you can do sometimes.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:21 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Oh I get that way, but more because it seems like I am almost fighting a losing battle. I clean or make the kids clean and I turn around and BAM! the mess is right back! UGH

    Answer by kc932 at 1:18 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • dont feel bad my house is trashed!!! we just moved nov 14th only to find out that our new landlord lied to us not only is the house in foreclosure but it goes to auction jan 8th! so we are set to move AGAIN jan 1, the landlord also lied about letting us fix things up and deducting from rent so i find it very hard to be motivated to get things done

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 6:13 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • sounds like your husband is not a considerate man. sorry. he should help you around the house, if he doesn't think it's clean enough. he should cook dinner for the family, when you don't feel well. i am lucky I have a wonderful husband. I hope your husband gets it through his thick skull that being a SAHM is hard work. Especially when you're pregnant. GL

    Answer by Katie80620 at 2:26 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

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