Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how do I make it after this

Months ago my husband who is active military was told that someone was arrested for selling some stolen mil stuff and they said he sold it to them. well he was offered a deal and he took it beacuase friends of this person also said he did it. now my husband will be in the brig for 1 year, drop to e1 pay which is a huge drop for us and our kids. and a bad conduct discharge. so he will be a felon and never be able to get a job. He wants me to move back home and never come visit him to safe money but i dont know if i can do that. we are going to lose my car among other things that is going to damage our credit. How does anyone deal with something like this. Not only his life and mine damaged but so is our kids.

so should i move to save money and never see him?

how do i care for my children when i cant afford child care to even look for a job?

what do i do when i lose my car and cant take them to the doc

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Dec. 22, 2009 in Money & Work

Answers (4)
  • Well for starters I think you have to start looking at yourself as the primary support of the family and maybe he will be the stay at home dad when he gets out of the brig. He can get a job, but I agree it will be hard. So focus on yourself. Where is home? Can you move in with your parents? How little are the kids? Can your mom, dad, MIL, FIL or other family watch them? Do you have any skills? I really think you need to reframe your picture of yourself and throw yourself into the income earner role.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Ok so I have never been in your situation and won't at all tell you I understand what you are going through. I will suggest to take one thing at a time. I understand your hubby saying it will save money to move back home and not visit him, BUT you have kids to think about here too. If they are anything like my kids, daddy is the greatest thing that walks into this home, he is the bomb, the best. They do need to see him! Also, I know all the negatives are probably going through your head right now, easier said than done, but look next at the money that will be coming in and see what you can do with that. I wanted to suggest to you working at home. I work at home with a 5 year old at school, a 2 year old at home with me and one on the way. There are no parties, no stocking of inventory, no MLM! I would love to give you more info on this to help you be able to be home withe your kids too. My website is and my

    Answer by Rebecca325 at 2:31 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • (in continuation...) my email is I wish you the best with all this, it WILL all work out for you, your hubby, and kids. Stay positive for you kids and they will help in getting everyone through the next year!

    Answer by Rebecca325 at 2:34 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Wow that has got to be tough. My DH is active military and I know that financially it would be devastating for us. Do they allow kids to visit where he will be? If not then I would move back home with your parents. Could a family member possibly babysit for you for reduced charge while you get back on your feet? You can still send him pictures of the kids, and he can write them letters and stuff like that, just like if he were deployed. It would give you a chance to stick some money into savings, and get things set up for you guys for when he does get discharged. If you can find yourself a good job, save some money, and get you guys a decent apartment, then when he gets out, he can come to where you are and be a SAH dad til he can find a job. He can find a job, it will just be difficult. My uncle has been in PRISON three times and was able to find a decent job. Good luck to you guys, PM me if you just need to vent!

    Answer by AprilDJC at 5:31 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.