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Am I wrong on this one? MIL question..

So my fiances mom is an alcoholic- she's drunk by 5 every evening. He keeps thinking it will change, and instead of talking about or approaching it he just ignores it or turns a blind eye to it. Well we now have a 4 month old and he desperately wants her involved in her life- he is always taking us over to her house- spending evenings over there and what not. Thanksgiving was a disaster which ended with her giving my daughter (3 mo at that time!) clam dip- and has no recollection of it the next day! And multiple other times since then she has been out of it while we were there. My fiance has had her watch our dd while I am at work because he had stuff to do but never tells me he is going to until I get home because he knows I don't want her watching her by herself (because "just one" turns into 10 in about 1/2 an hour)so the question is.. am I wrong to say "NO, she is not to watch her by herself?"

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Dec. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Your baby's safety is FIRST PRIORITY. I would NOT allow that woman to watch the baby by herself. She may unintentionally hurt the baby.

    Stand your ground; your baby will thank you. If her grandmother has a problem with it, to bad! She needs to get herself together before you entrust her with your sacred child's life. Hopefully, this will be a wake up call for grandma and your fiance'. Good luck and have a SAFE holiday season.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • My first thought was visit in the morning.
    I suppose that you could explain to him that if he does it again you will effectively divorce him (file for custody and child support) You are 100% right and he needs to wake up!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I don't think you are wrong at all. Your baby should not be left alone w/ her if she is getting drunk. Your fiance needs to understand that your baby isn't in a safe environment when alone w/ her. If he doesn't get that, than thats too bad. I would stick to your guns and say no way!
    Tiffany237

    Answer by Tiffany237 at 2:17 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Not only should she NEVER EVER EVER watch your daughter by herself, I'm not comfortable with your DD being around her without YOU there. Your DF is in denial about her addiction so he won't keep a close enough eye. Drunk people are DANGEROUS to little babies (hello..she fed her clam dip and can't remember doing it...). Not only do they not have any common sense when it comes to safety/security of a little one, they can stumble and knock things over, like things that could hit your DD. Or she could fall ON your DD....babies have been really badly hurt by things like that. My inlaws (who thankfully live in another province) are a couple of drunks and when they grace us with their presence on the annual visit, I don't let them hold my kids and they definetly don't get to be around them without me. If I see them getting out of hand, we leave. Don't take chances...you never want to look back and regret them. GOod luck.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 2:17 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Nope. You are completely right. Now you just need to stick to your guns. Tell your DF that under no circumstance is he to leave your baby with his mother. It's fine to continue visits with her when you can be there to keep her safe, but let him know he is not to take the baby to visit without you present. Tell him you know it's his mom and he wants her involved, but let him know your daughter's safety comes first. Tell him he will have to back you on this or you cannot stay with him. Tell him that sticking to your rules could encourage his mother to get her act together. He knows she is a mess even if he won't admit it, but it is very hard to hear it.

    I do feel for you; my MIL is also an alcoholic and we would never leave our children in her care. I understand this will also be a touchy subject for your DF, so try to be gentle without giving in. It's hard to know your own mother is that messed up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • You are not wrong, I would not let my child stay with someone who was drinking. If she wants to be a grandma she needs to figure out how to control her drinking. This child needs to be as important to her as it is to you!
    robyann

    Answer by robyann at 3:44 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

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