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My son's family hated me while he was alive, now that he has passed on they say all of a sudden love me...should I let bygones be bygones?

His family, especially his mother and aunt, made my life a living Hell. They were downright mean and rude to me many times. They embarrassed me publicly about me appearance repeatedly. I won't go into too many details, but I do want to say they even encouraged him to cheat with his ex-gf, who they loved, in an attempt to get him not to marry me.
Well he died in an accident a little over a year ago. We have a 4 year old son who looks just like his dad. They send gifts, pop up unannounced and call all the time like they weren't mean as dirt to me. All of a sudden they want to include me in family functions. I always decline but then they try to make me feel guilty and say I'm keeping my son from them. Well, I am. I think they are horrible people who would be a bad influence. Am I wrong?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Dec. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I would possibly let your son go and when (and if) you feel comfortable then you should go. They may feel awful about the way they treated you and want t omake it up to you. But they have no right now nor then to treat you like dirt and you don't have to take it. If they start treating you badly just walk away and if they ask why you don't want to be around them or have your son around them just tell them why. If they don't want to accept it they don't have to.

    Answer by Memigen at 2:41 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Death can make some people have a change of heart.
    They are still part of your son's family. Give it a chance, if it doesn't work, you at lease tried.

    Answer by Gealach at 2:41 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Who dies? Your son or your DH?SO? Either way you should not let them back in your life. I personally do not like two faced people.
    You are right not to let themcome around.

    Answer by louise2 at 2:42 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • You are not wrong and I wouldn't say let bygones be bygones, but I will say that because of your little guy, your should make it so they can see him, supervised by you of course. But talk to them, make them understand that they cannot just call all the time or drop by whenever they choose. Explain that you and your son have things that you do and that unannounced visitors is not appropriate. Tell them you will not keep them from seeing him as long as they can respect your boundaries because it's been very hard on you. Let them no if you decline to come over when invited, its not to insult them, it's because you cannot make it and you will come over at a different time. If they can't live with this then I say cut all ties.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Oh that was a mistake, ex-bf died.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I don't think its right to keep your son away from his grandparents and family from his dad. He needs a relationship with them too because that s their grandson. Would you want to have your grandchild taken from you because your son died suddenly? I don't think its necessary for you personally to have a relationship with them, but I would let your son because that is his family.

    Answer by lowencope at 2:51 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • i don't think I could get over it enough to have a relationship with them now, but they are your son's family, and he needs to know them and see them.

    Answer by robyann at 3:34 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

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