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First time to a hotel since the affair, i don't know if i can deal?

what can i do to not be so affected by it? I am already going crazy thinking about it and how he was at the hotel with her.. arrrrgh


Asked by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Dec. 22, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Doesn't matter why she stayed. Some people mean it when they say those vows and it's for life for their own personal reasons, religion or because they just love the guy and hope that they can and will change. And the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" is NOT true. Some people have true regret and it doesn't happen again, sometimes it makes the marriage stronger because you're both aware there's a problem and you're working harder to keep it working.
    If it's a different hotel,then try really hard to remember that it doesn't matter where the deed was done, you're going to have to somehow let it leave your mind and heart as much as you can for the marriage to heal but tell him how you're feeling and hopefully he'll work hard to make this a pleasurable trip for you/your family.
    Wishing you so much luck,

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 4:05 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Well, i would have divorced his ass & had a ball without him. Thats how i would not have been so affected by it. I don't have time to waste on dis-honest, toxic, lying people that have no respect, & i CERTAINLY won't have one as a husband. Cheating is an immediate deal breaker in my book.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:40 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I probably wouldn't be able to go personally. If it is still that fresh to bother you that much just tell him.

    Answer by Memigen at 3:42 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I have to agree with Samurai chica on this one


    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 3:43 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I agree with Samurai - cheating is a deal breaker with me too. I was with my oldest daughters dad for 3 1/2 years when I found out he had cheated on me THREE times while I was pregnant and he was right out the door with me and our 2 month old daughter staying there. I'll be d@mned if I'll have that in my life.

    Answer by Memigen at 3:43 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Why would he take you to the same hotel he took the person he cheated with? How long ago the cheating happened would affect whether or not I could deal... chances are, no amount of time would work for me tho. I'd either have to go to a new hotel and if I worked there I guess I'd have to somehow get past it but it would be hard.
    Explain to him how it makes you feel even thinking about going to where he committed that act and hopefully he'll understand.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:46 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Is it the same hotel he went to with the other women?

    Answer by louise2 at 3:47 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • OP here
    - its not the same hotel., its a waterpark for our family vacation. i have no idea what hotel they used.. still i don't even want to walk in the room right now. we go tomorrow..

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Tell him you are not going.
    What made you deside to stay with him anyway? Don't tell us it was for the kids please.

    Answer by louise2 at 4:00 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Op here..
    He said he realized how much he wants to be with me,and we have a great family and relationship and we have a deep emotional connection.. plus he cried and was so upset about what he did.. we have a 5 year old and a 8 month old.. but that is not why i am staying,, i guess i want to believe there is a future for us.. I want to believe that it was all a horrible mistake.. i am still struggling with the idea of leaving.. i want this vacation to be fun,.. and i am not gonna bring it up to him because i dont want to rake the coals.. its been 4 months since it happened. i am trying to see if i can ever get over it. time says it heals all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Dec. 22, 2009