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Mys sister and her husband have finally finished their divorce. Her husband has been very uncorproative. But, now he gets her every other weekend. Well, he also gets her everyother odd holiday for a week. Well that would be christmas day! His first vist. well he is calling and saying he can't pick her up at 3 when he has been telling her for the past two weeks that she had to give her to him at 3... If he don't show up until 7 does she still have to give her to him? When the paper work says 3?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Dec. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (24)
  • the papers are "Guidelines" it does not mean a precise hour or moment- if he can not make it at that time it can be readjusted.
    YES, he has a LEGAL RIGHT to see the child for this duration. nothing you can do about it, if you do not relinquish the child, all he has to do is to show up with papers and a police officer and you will have no choice but to allow the child to go with her father.

    in some states you can have charges filed against you for preventing the non custodial parent from visiting with the child.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 4:16 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Of course. There is no need for more fighting. The child has been through enough. She needs to keep things as friendly as possible for the child. Is she planning on fighting and slamming the door in his face? How would the child feel? That is terrible.

    Answer by mompam at 4:16 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • It really depends on when he is planning to get there and for what reason. If he can't get there at 3 because of illness or work reasons, then he still has the right to his visitation. If he's not showing up for some petty reason and doesn't show up until 7 or 8pm, then she doesn't have to send her with him because he modified the visitation schedule.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 4:16 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • If the papers say 3 it means 3 not 7. I would refuse to hand the child over. That will make him understand to be on time. She does not have to sit around waiting for him all the time. If he wants the times changed he need to go back to court.

    Answer by louise2 at 4:18 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • He told her he is going to Athens on Friday for something and won't be back until 7..He wanted to come get her wednesday bring her back on Thursday and then pick her up at 7..She said no because she is with family. The reason she is worried about the whole 7 on friday thing is because this is his first visit and he tiring to be in control. He told her he would LET her keep her until 7...When she has sole custody of her... We KNOW he is going to athens to party on christmas eve and wont be back until late..that's why he is doing this..He didn't say it but thats the case..he has no job and is refusing to pay child support also..Its been a long battle!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • She should still give her to the ex. If she goes back to court and it's looking like she's totally uncooperative, it's NOT going to look good for her. I'm going through the same thing, and it's really hard but she needs to make things as smooth as she can for her daughter, not look for every reason to pick a fight.

    Answer by missanc at 4:22 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I am sure you ladies MEAN well... but in all honesty, she can not LEGALLY WITHHOLD THE CHILD. it is an offense punishable in most cases by a $1500 fine- she can/will be held in contempt of court, and CAN also have misdemeanor charges filed against her... seriously, if you walk into court claiming a "visitation adjustment" over a 4 hour span, the judge will favor with him- THAT is not considered a visitation adjustment.
    FURTHERMORE... he can give up his visit, but she can not deny a visit, provided that it was outlined in the divorce papers or it was a verbal agreement- verbal agreements that are made, as long as there is at least one outside witness, are also enforceable in court.... try reading up a little about LEGAL RIGHTS OF THE FATHER, before you spout off about denying visitation... its not such a good idea.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 4:25 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • okay c.o. are NOT guidelines they are C.O. HOWEVER, that being said.... its the first visit and what exactly would she be accomplishing by ref. to give her dd over.
    honestly, his needing to do a later pick-up is to her advantage -- she gets the majority of the day with dd on CHRISTMAS -- awesome.

    Without some major reasons I would not be so rigid about the time (yes with some parents you have to be -- but only after they've shot themselves on the foot several times)

    Who would she really be punishing? Oh yeah, her kid. Children are not weapons. The divorce was acrimonous, its over, its would be okay to WORK WITH EACH OTHER

    although I would document it, I would also allow it in order to continue to facilitate OUR CHILDRENS RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR FATHER.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 4:25 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • She should just enjoy the extra hours she has with her and not put up a fuss.

    Answer by mompam at 4:26 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • OP- I understand the frustration, but you (she) are still legally bound. my ex refused to pay child support, is a drug addict/alcoholic, is refusing treatment (court ordered), tried to KILL ME on a number of occasions, but I STILL HAVE TO LET HIM SEE HIS KIDS... its a legal, NOT a moral issue. he has supervised visitation until he completes drug treatment.

    child support is a separate issue from visitation, if he does not pay you still have to let him see the child. now, if he shows up driving and has been drinking you can call the police and report him, in which case she would not go with him- but if he has not been, and you do this, it can in the long run help HIM get custody.

    i do understand the frustration, if anyone does... but once you cross that legal line, there is too much to lose.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 4:30 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

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