• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What would you do?

If you were told by your boyfriend/childs father/somewhat SO, that this year for X-mas, instead of going to grandma's like you ALWAYS do, you had to go to his moms? Now, keep in mind we just found out his mom has breast cancer, and she lives a few hours away and he wants you to support him, but what if he said "I swear to God, you are going to my moms, that's it" Would you go to support him or would you go to your grandma's instead because thats what you want to do?
To me, Christmas is about being with family, I dont feel like part of his family, and I said he could take the baby with him, and on top of that, isn't her cancer sort of a family affair? I know he needs my support and that I am going, but I really just want to go to my family dinner like I have done my whole life. So yes, right now, Im pouting about it, and I will get over it soon enough, I just want to know what you would do.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Dec. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Well if he told you like that, then you need to tell him that you can't demand someones attention or support. It doesn't work like that. Ask him, wouldn't he rather you want to support him then feel like your obligated to?


    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 7:34 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Can you make a compromise? Go for a short time to his family's home then go to your family's home? I understand not feeling like a part of his family, but maybe this could be the opportunity to become part of his family. My DH and I usually go to my family's for Christmas Eve, and his family's for Christmas Day. Good luck,Sweetie!

    Answer by Robsmommy at 7:36 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • um... b/c this is all what being a family is about. Things change you now have a baby and a sig. other and your rituals etc. change.
    Why did you not OFFER to go to his mom's for christmas in the first place? Do you not have a child with this person and are planning to MARRY him?
    You now have a kid and sig. other so things change. The very least is to go to his mom's house, they are you're famly now too (or at least will be after the wedding)
    and for the future talk about BOTH of your diff traditions and work out a comprimise, either doing every other year or doing both at diff times of the day or whatever.
    But. c'mon his mom just got diagnosed with cancer and you are pissed b/c he actually WANTS you to come with him to her house as a FAMILY.
    Poor guy. (and somehow I don't think his words came out of the blue)

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 8:13 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I agree with MamiJaAyla......and yes, it's quite obvious that his words weren't out of the blue, that they came after the OP put up a little fuss about it, and tried to get him to just go with the baby, and it made him irritated.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • wow, that's pretty selfish and unsupportive of u. His grandmother may not see another christmas and your family will. be nice

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • you would want him to be with you if your mom had cancer? if the answer is yes , then you have to go. simple as that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • What would I do? I would go half and half. It would not be easy but no one said relationships were. Support him and his mom in their time of need. Then go with your family. Compromise. Don't spend the holiday grumpy, just give a little and and see what happens.

    Answer by mamofive at 10:18 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • why not go with him to his family, you sound selfish and immature

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • I never said anything about marrying him, we arent getting married, we dont even think we are staying together.
    No, they are not my family, I dont feel like part of his family, Im his childs mother
    This is the 1st Christmas he has even wanted to go there, & thats only because she has cancer, before it was me convincing him to even talk to her on the phone.
    I didnt say I was pissed, I said I was pouting because I would rather spend time w/ MY family, vs go to his moms where I would just sit all day like a burden.
    "(and somehow I don't think his words came out of the blue)" then you think wrong b/c the conversation went like this: " Hunnie, I was thinking about it & I would rather you go to your moms w/out me. I feel like thats a family affair & you should take the baby to go see her so she has you 2. I would like to stay & go to my grandmas." & then he said that.
    Thanks for your presumptuous reply though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • OP again:
    I would love to have the baby here but feel she belongs with her grandmother and daddy during this time.
    I am going whether I think I should or not since I am obviously so wrong on this.
    I would love to compromise but she lives over 3 hours away and that cant be done since he wants to spend the whole day there.
    Im not trying to be a heartless bitch or anything, I just dont feel like its my place to go see his mom, Im just his childs mother and we are splitting up, so im not part of his family. I feel like its a family event and its wrong of me to go to it. I would rather stay home with my family. Im glad he is going, I have always pushed him to go, but he wouldn't. I know he is scared and needs support so Im going as a friend, but I feel like it takes away from my traditions, as selfish as that is.
    I know im being selfish.
    If you are going to bash me, make sure you read what I wrote and don't assume anything.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.