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My daughter really wants to see her dad but he dont want to know!! i dont know what to do!

I was a young mum(16) when i fell pregnant with my daughter emily, i told her dad and he wasnt very happy with the news but i still keeped her and even tho it was very hard work. She was the best thing that happened to me and im very proud of her. Anyway to cut a long story short, he hasnt been in her life and he did start paying a long time ago but stopped and started and i decided to give it to the csa to deal with. Emily is 11yr old and turns twelve in feb 2010 and all she goes on about is her dad and when will she get to see him? why doesnt he bother! shes getting very upset and it hurts me to see her like this. He lives in the same town as me but i just dont know what to do for the best, please help! i dont know what to do. thanks michelle

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shellball

Asked by shellball at 11:04 PM on Dec. 22, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • He is an asshat!
    boogernoodle

    Answer by boogernoodle at 11:12 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Call him and tell him she wants to get to know him. Let her find out for herself that he's a self centered jerk. My dd wanted to get to know her dad at that age. It didn't go badly but it didn't go as well as she had hoped. She's now 30 and wants so much to tell the man how badly he hurt her feelings by not wanting to get to know her back then. She is such a great person. She hates him now. I hated that my dd got hurt but if we don't allow them to learn then they think it's our fault and they resent us. See what he says. If he refuses then let him tell her why.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:23 PM on Dec. 22, 2009

  • Has 12 years changed his mind any? Have you discussed it with him? Is it possible for her to meet his family? I think you need to open a line of communication with them and see how everyone feels, sometimes people change and if he was 16 then of course he was an ass about it but now he might feel differently now.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 1:03 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • sounds like my dad, let her call him up and ask,even if he lets her down she will figure it out that mabe she is best off withoput him. my dad never wanted to be in the picture and never realy was. he wont even say he loves us when we tell him we do and he says dont call him dad in public he doesnt want people knowing he has kids that old
    angelairelan

    Answer by angelairelan at 9:43 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • well he is her a father you can't change that. She has a right to know him. call him explain how your dd feels and ask him if he'll see her. if he won't tell him to tell her he won't or can't ...whatever he wants to say. But your dd needs to know him for what he is, and she'll learn that on her own. she needs to see that it isn't you keeping her from him, so she doesn't blame you.
    robyann

    Answer by robyann at 2:47 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • I would have her right there with you when you try to contact him that way she sees that you are trying.  Any response that you get, let her know.  Let her see that it is him and not you.  After this long, he is probably going to ignore the request or just simply say no.  Just be right there to pick up the pieces.


    ((hugs)) 


    I had to go through the same thing with my 13 y/o son.

    dawnjohnson5

    Answer by dawnjohnson5 at 9:20 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • i don't think you need to have her right there with you when you call. scarring her isn't going to help her any . instead reach out to the family and him and see where they stand...you may end up pleasantly surprised.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Call him and tell him that his daughter has been asking to meet him and that she deserves to know and have a father. Tell him that if he can't be there for her then HE needs to tell her why. She is old enough to understand. But, they both deserve the chance to get to know each other.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:50 PM on Dec. 24, 2009

  • I was this kid. I wouldn't give my mom a break it was all about my dad. My mom fixed by calling up my dad and handing me the phone. She said if that is want you want, then you get him to agree to it. Twenty minutes later I realized that it was never going to happen . he didn't want to see me, surely didn't want me to live with him and that was that. sometimes kids need to find out that the deadbeat parent is a loser.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on Dec. 26, 2009

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