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Would you be mad if I were your sister?

We had Christmas at my grandparents last night. My sister's almost 6 year old tried to choke my brother's 3 year old. She thinks that it is my fault bc I have 12 kids and that is too many. All of my kids were seated at the table and eating nicely. Mine have some special needs, but are wonderfully behaved at functions. She says that by my bringing "half a school house", I am asking for bad things to happen to younger kids. My grandparents are in shock as is everyone else. I guess my question is "Would you be upset if a family member adopted this many children and came to family holidays?" Her kids were in a cubbie hole unattended with my brother's kids, but none of mine were even out of their seats. She's said before that she doesn't think I should come bc I have a lot of kids, but I just don't understand. She brought hers up to do crafts 1 week before to my house with the same kids. Please help me if I'm missing something.

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Asked by mommy9 at 1:33 AM on Dec. 23, 2009 in Holidays

Level 4 (39 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I think your sister is being really rude to you, and trying to blame you for her children misbehaving when she should be blaming herself. I don't think you should feel guilty at all, and I think it is very kind for you to have adopted 12 children if you can take care of them, especially when they have special needs, so good for you and don't feel bad.

    Answer by tree1997 at 1:43 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Thank you. I am just trying to figure out if there is something that I'm missing. When I say that my kids are well behaved at get togethers and public places I mean it. I get comments often. I can take all 12 kids by myself to Walmart. They all sit quietly through church services. They know that if all 12 of them are just a little noisy then it would be a lot. They use quiet voices and are very respectful. At my grandparents' they are on their best behavior bc my grandfather is ill and they love him lots. I just don't know why it bothers her so that I have "many". She brings her kids to my house but wants me to stay home from holidays. My feelings are hurt and I'm nearly done with her altogether. Her son has tried to choke my nephew several times that his parents had warned me of before. I think I just need a good cry. I don't take well when people pick on my kids unjustly. They work extra hard for good behavior.

    Answer by mommy9 at 1:48 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • She's likely jealous that your kids being there takes attention away from her kids or something stupid and juvenile like that. Sisters are high maintenance when it comes to jealousy sometimes. I'd tell her to stuff her opinion and if she doesn't want to be around your kids she should stay home.

    I know she's your sister but she sounds like a total wench.

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 1:56 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • It sound like your sister is just plain envious of your kids. She needs to seek a counselor. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Your welcome. I agree with sqtdemanda, it is quite possible your sister has some jealousy issues. I really don't think that your missing anything. Is it possible that when your at get together because you have so many kids the focus by other relatives is on your children more than hers? Your relatives could being making comments to her too, something like isn't it amazing how well behaved her children are? Etc. etc. I am really sorry you feel so bad. Have you tried talking to your sister about it? Maybe that would help, I would at least try it before your totally done with her, seeing as she is your sister. It might work.

    Answer by tree1997 at 2:05 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • It sounds like its an ongoing problem with her and your nephew and that she is trying to get the attention of her childs bad behavior. She has no right to tell you to stay away expecially if its not her house!

    Keep doing what your doing it sounds like you have a great family and your a great mom and maybe she is jealous that you can control 12 while she has a problem controlling 1.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 2:27 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • If I were your sister, I would hope you would slap me if I said something like that. That was incredibly rude & completely uncalled for.
    Sounds like she's jealous that you can control your kids & she can't... maybe she thinks that says something about her & she can't take that kind of criticism?
    It doesn't matter how many kids you have- look at the Duggars. Their kids are some of the best behaved children I have ever seen! If it works for you & your family, then good for you for adopting!! That tells me that you have a lot of love in your heart.
    Personally I would have told her that she & her brood should be the ones not attending family functions since her children are violent & a threat to others. But that's me ;)

    Answer by emslala at 2:39 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • How exactly would it be your fault what someone else's kid does? She's just trying to put they blame on you because she wasn't watching her daughter.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 3:11 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • No. If you were my sister I'd be pretty impressed with you and very proud of you for being such a wonderful example of love to so many children!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Wow, I have a Step Son with some minor special needs, and it is very difficult. I applaud you for taking on so many and having them well disciplined (by the sounds of it). It sounds like your sister feels guilty but has a hard time accepting that she should have done something different. When your kids are in your sight, you know what they are up to. There is no excuse for a 6 yr old not having the common sense not to choke another, younger child...But since that is the case, this childs mother is the one that needs to be held accountable. Especially when raising a child with special needs, and in special ed classes, you see all too often, parents that dont hold their children or themselves accountable when the need arises.

    Answer by plastktoe4 at 5:22 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

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