Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Out of pure curiosity... Does it bother you how many partners your husband has been with??

It was mentioned to me earlier, and out of pure curiosity I wanted to see what others think. If you were only with one other person your entire life before you met your husband, but he was with 12-15 different females, (BEFORE YOU NOW) would it bother you?? To me, I think it is something that you should of known before hand. If you knew he had so many partners, and if you didn't agree, then why be with him?? But she claims, that he LIED about how many partners in the beginning, and the truth came out now that she is prego.... What is your opinion? Would it bother you? or is it something you just need to get over and accept, bc the past is the past?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:47 AM on Dec. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (23)
  • I make it a point to not know how many people the person I'm with has had sex with. I do feel uncomfortable about having many partners. I get grossed out about it thinking STD's and all. I do make them get tested before I will do anything sexual with a person. It doesn't matter to me when the last time they were tested was. You want me, you get tested.

    I would be more concerned with him lying and not how many he's been with as long as he's never had a disease and they were before me.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 2:53 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • He had more partners than I did but only by a little bit. I don't like thinking about it lol. It doesn't matter now, he's married to ME.

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 2:53 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • the past is the past and if you were not in the picture then it really has nothing to do with you unless he has some type of disease from it. Most people are pretty honest about it with their partners unless they are ashamed of the number, but i wouldnt act like its the end of the world because i didnt get a run down of my DH's past experiences.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 2:56 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • i like to know how many and i dont get mad, i would be mad if i knew and then it changed, that just means he lied or added some on at some point... tisk tisk

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 3:11 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • I really don't wanna know. All that matters is that he's with only me now and that we both get tested before starting a sexual relationship. Actually, I believe that men who've been in a relationship will have learned a few things along the way. Hopefully, his past females didn't allow him to get away with bs. Makes my job easier. Otherwise, men tend to be far more physical than women and him having had a lot is normal and if he's willing to admit it even better. If he accepts you knowing that you've been around is even better.


    Answer by Ewadun at 3:18 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • DH and I were both vigins on our wedding night, that was very special too me. If I found out he was lying I would be devestated. But after 11yrs of marriage I know DHH doesn't lie to me

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • My boyfriend had a MUCH higher number of past partners than me. I asked about it before we even actually started dating. Did it bother me? A little at first, yeah. Mostly it bothered me in terms of thinking "Damn, he's got quite a bit to compare me to, what if I come out lacking?" But then, by the time we got to the point of having sex, I was secure enough in our relationship and his love for me that I didn't wonder if he was comparing me to them b/c I knew he wasn't. I knew he was in the moment with me, that he wanted to be with me, and that no one he'd been with before mattered, just as no one I'd been with before mattered.

    Now, had I found out he'd lied to me about it, that would be different. My upset, angry, hurt feelings would come not from the number, but from the fact that he lied. I trust him implicitly, and for him to lie to me would be a huge blow to our relationship.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:41 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • When I wonder things, I only know I'm the first one he married so that says all I need to know :)

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:03 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • It does bother me sometimes. He has had a lot more partners than i have. For some reason it didn't bother me at first. But, then ex girlfriends would call & write emails, or show up in town to visit other friends but magicaly find a way to hang w/ my DH. & It started getting really old & annoying.

    "Oh, wow...ANOTHER ex" (thats what i always thought)

    So, i kind of started thinking about it too hard & it started eating at me. He knew about all my partners, i always had a feeling that he had some partners that he did not share about with me. What pissed me off big time, was that one time he said "I would not be with a girl if she had too many partners" That pissed me off so much! I guess it's OK for him to have had 15-20 others. Anyway, i told him that it really urks me that i don't know certain things. but, does it really matter i ask myself? I love HIM NOW, not his past before me...

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:45 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • It would depend on a couple of things. Such as, when he was with that woman, was he faithful to her / she wasn't married (not into cheats). Was it with multiple partners (not into the group thing), was it someone he was in a relationship with (not into one night stands or prostitution), and was he clean (not into disease). The last thing is, while I really don't want details, did he lie about how many people he had been with, and why (not into liars, what else is he dishonest about).

    Those things speak to me about character and what sort of person he is in general, the disease thing is a health issue.

    But other than those things, the past is the past, and I can't hold it against him that he wasn't faithful to me if he didn't even know me yet. But then, an exbf of mine video taped our wedding, and was my dh's roommate, and some of his ex's are really nice ladies. The past is the past.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:45 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
blood pressure question