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Help! My mom overheard a conversation I was having with my sister about mom!

Ugh! Technology is no longer my friend! I helped my sister and mom get set up with Skype so we could all 'see' each other and chat online. Last night, as I was talking with my sister, she inadvertently accepted a Skype call from my mom which activated the voice over IP -- My mom could hear my sister's side of our conversation!!

My mom has always been a short-tempered woman and as she has gotten older, she has become increasingly angry with life. Although she's aware of this, my sister and I still use 'kid glove' approaches with her - we rarely speak to my mom about her anger issues. But last night, as my sister and I were having a typical discussion about 'our mom, the psycho', my mom overheard our conversation and is so upset she won't take our calls now....and it's almost Christmas! My dad called my sister and chewed her out for hurting my mom's feelings. My sister and I feel just awful about it. Any advice?

Answer Question
 
Chugar

Asked by Chugar at 8:58 AM on Dec. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • what is it you or your sis said exactly that got your mom so upset?
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:05 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Damage is done. I don't think Christmas will mean anything to her because it's just a day. What she is feeling is hurt from both of you and perhaps such a conversation should have been done some time ago. Just leave her alone in time she will call you two. Try to resolve this after Christmas. How old is she?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:09 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Truthfully, now she knows how you feel about her. You thing she is a crazy person. And you are talking bad about her behind her back. You are going to have to do a lot of a** kissing to get her to forgive you. You need to talk to her in person.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:10 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Well, sometimes things happen for a reason. I'm sure you feel horrible & your mom is really hurt, but look at it his way...at least she knows. What if this actually helps her change for the better....even just a tad? It may make her take a serious look at herself & think "maybe i should try to be less psycho"

    Sometimes stumbling upon these things can be a good life learning experience. I'm sure she has been thinking really hard. Anyway, it was an accident. It's not like you guys intended for your nother to listen in (unless your sister set you up). So, your mom should know this. Hopefully it will help her in the long run & maybe she will learn something out of all of this.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:23 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • just tell her you didnt mean anything by it
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:30 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Oh I am sure your mom is so hurt. Although she may know she has these issues, it would still hurt to hear your children talking behind your back like that. Ok, with that said, the damage is done, I'm sure your not looking for judgement now, you just need to know what to do now to make it better. Like another mom said, you need to talk to her in person. You and your sister just show up at her house. Take her by the hand and all three of you go into her bedroom, start by telling her how sorry you are, and how much you love her. Hopefully this will help things.
    robyann

    Answer by robyann at 11:20 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • EeeK! This has happened to me before; not with my mom, but with co-workers. Oopsie. I always felt like a total a**wipe, but what can you do? Were you lying? Exaggerating? Intending to be hurtful? I would just tell her the TRUTH..."although using the word psycho is not accurate and was an exaggeration of your anger problems, it is increasingly difficult to be around an angry mommy. I am deeply sorry that you found out my true feelings in this way, but there is some truth to what was said. I love you very much, but I don't love how hard it is to be around you sometimes." (OR something to that effect)
    Look, my 20 year old daughter has called me crazy...and I make fun of her because it's not true or SHE Is the source of my craziness. If I had an actual anger problem, it wouldn't be funny. But I don't, so I find it hilarious. You mother has a true anger problem, so it made her angry.....she will get over it.
    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 11:39 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • All you can really do is be honest....You had no intention of hurting her feelings so you can completely and fully apologize for hurting her feelings. You can also tell her positive things, like how much she means to you and how much you care about her. Realistically, we all talk about our loved ones with our other loved ones...sometimes it helps us to vent. That is all you were doing....You can tell her that you would never have said those things directly to her in that way. I think you said she is aware that everyone feels she has anger issues....So, this isn't a total shock to her. I think you should find a way to be extra-nice and maybe make a gesture of some kind like flowers or something that she appreciates so she will put it all in perspective.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 12:33 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Just apologize to her. She will probably be upset for a while. Tell her the things you value about her and why you love her. We all have flaws and it is not uncommon for siblings to bitch about mom (or another family member) occasionally in private. You guys got caught and hurt her feelings. Just be humble.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:37 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

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