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When you can't get over your baby's father?

I just broke up with him yesterday because he went to a casino again behind my back without telling me and we planned to go this thursday before christmas and I got so mad at him. We got in a big fight and he called me a b**** because I said I was putting him on child support because he can never grow up. I feel so alone and I want him back but I know he's just going to end up doing the same thing over again. Do guys change once the baby arrives? He was so excited and lately no he's been saying we should adopt so we can be happy together. I told him no.


Asked by penguinbabe44 at 11:42 AM on Dec. 23, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • I think that good men who are committed to their wives do change after the babies start coming and that they change for the better. They become more responsible when they realize that there is now another little person who is depending upon him to be his best self. I also believe that the shiftless and irresponsible men who are only interested in women for what they can get from them and who are not at all interested in making vows become even more self-absorbed when they begin to realize the situation they've created for themselves. They often choose to "let it all hang out" when it comes to their true natures. Where they may have been careful to pretend before, they now let you see the real them. I believe they really want out but they want the women to be the ones who walk away, which most do. The person who then suffers the most is the poor baby who had no choice at all in the matter. Character counts all around!

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:20 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • No - guys do not change once the baby arrives. If anything, in a lot of cases they only become more childish and you don't have time to deal with it because you're busy with the baby.

    Answer by missanc at 11:50 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • No, men don't generally change after baby. If they do change, it's usually not for the better. If this is how he is, and has been, then this is how he will continue to be. You have to decide if you want to continue this kind of relationship with him or if you want to end things and move on to find someone who will love you and be committed to a full, equal relationship with you. And men like that do exist. I got one myself.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:53 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • No, they don't if they do they would have to want to change themselves.

    Don't think a baby will change them either. That is what young people think, sometimes older.

    You have to do you. Remember you are a beautiful woman, with lots of potential. Don't let any man hold you back....

    Have the baby for you, it is a very big responisibitity and if you can not handle it give the baby up for adoption-do what is best for your baby. GOD BLESS.... AND MERRY CHRISTMAS, AT FIRST IT DOES HURT BUT YOU LEARN TO GET OVER IT.

    It took me a year, and then he wanted me, the he was already married with the woman he cheated on me with. HE STILL DIDN'T CHANGE AFTER 3 KIDS AND A MARRAIGE. THANK GOODNESS IT IS NOT ME....

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:54 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • I want you to imagine a relationship with a man who is honest, who keeps his promises, who provides, who respects, who would NEVER call you a negative word, who could never give up his baby. I want you to imagine a responsible, loving, MONEY-MAKING, mature, tender man......what else do you like in a man? Sense of humor? Intelligence? Wit? Cuddly? THIS is the man you should be yearning over, NOT the man you are with. DO guys change when a baby arrives? YEs...the mature ones do. The immature, selfish fathers remain immature and selfish. There's too much at stake here. Unload him and gain some self respect and self love. Most important, YOU WILL CHANGE when the baby you should. I say these things because they are true, but yet I know you will take him back because: "I love him! We have a baby together! He will change! He deserves a second chance. My baby needs a daddy." And you will pay for this poor decision.

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 11:56 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • let me fix that he cheated on me with a woman he wind up marring that is ok, she cheated on him, lol, and he continues to cheat. Circle I tell you, it is a circle of life.

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:56 AM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Nope, he won't change once the baby gets here. You did good & it's only been one day. It will het easier. I would go to the Casino ALONE & show him that you don't need him either to have a good time.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:56 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • he won't change. he will probably act even more selfish and childish. you did a good thing by breaking up with him. that's what's best for your child. it will get easier. time heals all wounds.

    Answer by xavierlogan09 at 3:09 PM on Dec. 23, 2009