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what to do when I child refuses to grow up?

O kay my step daughter just returned from hanging out with her friends in CA. She lived with one of her best friends out there and lived off her savings account. She now is home living with her mom. She has no job, is not looking. Has no car and so on. However she wants to borrow our cars all the time and do laundry and eat our food up. She is 23 years old and I feel she needs to grow up. It burns me up tha she thinks she can just use up everyone's stuff. She claims she does not want "bills!" I am tired of her lazy attitude and using other people's stuff to save money. She choose to hang out with friends for several months. She has a college degree and just seems to have no interest in working.

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Dec. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • Just say no and she'll find someone else to mooch off of. If everyone told her no then there would be no other alternative for her but to grow up.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:07 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • You guys need to guide her a little and show her how to get a job and maintain some responsibility, and if she keeps a job and helps with bills then start her a savings account so she can save some money up to get on her own. I know you guys are frustrated, and she has been irresponsible but I'd help get her started in the right direction.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 4:09 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Nobody "wants" bills. She is more than old enough to start taking responsibility for herself.

    Next time she asks to borrow your cars say no, or present her with a bill for usage, gas and mileage.
    Next time she wants to use your laundry room to do laundry give her a bill for electricity, water and detergent use.
    Next time she wants to eat your food give her a bill for not only the food but for whatever dishes she dirties, water and soap to wash them and throw in a personal expense for the time and gas money it cost you to go and get the groceries in the first place.

    Let her mooch off of everyone else. I've known plenty of people like this in my life and eventually people will get sick of it and stop enabling her then she'll have no choice but to grow up.

    She is 23 years old. I had already been living on my own and paying my own way for 4 years by the time I was 23.
    I agree she needs to grow up.

    Answer by Laila-May at 4:37 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Give her a notice of eviction make tell her that if she does not have a job in 6 months then she will have to leave. Also tell her that she will only be allowed to use the car for getting a job and that you will be keeping a tab for food and laundry and such for when she does get a job. I would give her some extra time if she makes progress like and extra couple months of she gets a job to save up and get a car and get an apartment. Remember the longer she does nothing with that college degree the more the experience will depreciate.

    Answer by PsychMommie at 5:07 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Uhm make her take responsability for her own life, she is an adult and should be able to take care of herself. this may sound harsh but i would kick her out unless she starts taking responsability.

    Answer by Cynthje at 9:12 PM on Dec. 23, 2009

  • Rather than say no, charge her a rental fee for the car: $30 a day is reasonable, plus insurance, gas and mileage (get a deposit from her). $1.00 a load for the washer and the dryer, plus fifty cents for detergent.

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:43 AM on Dec. 24, 2009

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