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CPS took my autistic daugther away Christmas time

My daughter, 12-years-old, told her class aide that I said I "would kill her" when we were arguing. Unfortunately, I did say those words and I also grabbed her sweatshirt collar when she yelled at me to tell her "Respect your mother!" For these incidents she was removed from my home, yesterday, the day before Christmas Eve until this coming Monday.

I live every molecule of my life for my daughter and have gotten her great services. I am middle-aged, unemployed with no help. Her father, who never takes her for visitation, was forced to by CPS.

Now my daughter is not home for Christmas, I feel like Ishould wear a scarlet letter. I also feel like I don't want her back. It's too much work and this is what I get.

How can Isurvive? I have a therapist who hasn't been able to see me during this crisis. I want to just pick up and move and begin a new life and leave this ungrateful high maintenace gir.

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terry6202

Asked by terry6202 at 8:26 PM on Dec. 24, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • Having a special needs child can be very stressful. All parents have said something they regretted, and if anyone tells you they haven't, they are lying. Is the child seeing a therapist or is it just you? You are and will feel many emotions and that is normal. I don't think they will keep your child permantly out of your home but the will make you sure it is a safe enviornment, as that is their job. I am so sorry for you that you are dealing with this, this is tough at any time but during Christmas, it is even worse.
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 8:33 PM on Dec. 24, 2009

  • I am so sorry that you are going through this. My youngest (age 7) tries my patience daily. She is not autistic, but has ADHD, Central Auditory Processing Disorder and dyslexia. Some days I feel like throttling her! She does things just to piss me and her sisters off, and doesn't care. I know I've said things to her that I shouldn't, and I hope that those things don't come back to haunt me one day. She already told her special ed teacher that her dad yells at her all the time and scares her. The teacher called me, and I told her the whole long story behind that disaster. I couldn't imagine what would happen if she was taken away...


    *hugs* to you. If you feel too awful and really need to get through this crisis, I would consider going to an ER for emergency psych. Not saying that you need to, but I had a crisis 2 yrs ago and couldn't see my therapist. I ended up in the ER, not by my own choice...

    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 8:42 PM on Dec. 24, 2009

  • this is why on Cafemom...we dont tell people to go call CPS on others
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 PM on Dec. 24, 2009

  • No matter what is wrong with your child how could you even say you just don't think you want her back cause it is to much work. You need to smarten up.. The reason your child isn't there for X-MAS DAY is cause of your MOUTH and saying things that back fired in your FACE. I WOULD NEVERTELL MY CHILD I WOULD KILL HER/HIM. I hope you can find in your heart if you have one to love every single second with your child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Dec. 24, 2009

  • I'm very happy your daughter got taken away from you. How could you even say that to her? I've been mad at my son, but those words have NEVER come to my mind. To top it off, she has special needs and you made her feel worse than you did. If you feel she's a high maintenence girl, than give her to someone who actually cares about her. You said your whole life is for her but you said you would kill her? Shame one you. Get a job and grow up.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 10:39 PM on Dec. 24, 2009

  • You have admitted you need some help and you should follow through with it. Imagine the emotions kids at her age already have and on top of that she is autistic. Many times we don't see that autistics have depression and anxiety because we think they are a part of the symptoms. What we don't realize is most autistics need therapy to help them cope with regular emotions AND the situations that can trigger axiety attacks. Those anxiety attacks can cause them to lash out in an uncontrollable manner. Now what you HAVE to do is decide what you are going to do next. IF you really can not parent her any longer, THEN you make sure she understands that its not her fault. YOU make sure her father gets her the proper help. You let her know that you love her and being with her father is the best thing for her. For the love of all that is good do not blame a 12 year old for your actions.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 10:54 PM on Dec. 24, 2009

  • I felt sorry when I read the title. But as a mother of an Autistic child myself, I lost all care for you when you said you don't want her back. Yes, it's a VERY hard time taking care of a special needs child, but they are ours for a reason, in my opinion. I think you are being selfish in feeling that way, and personally, I don't think you DESERVE her back. The same goes for any mom not wanting their kid, but a special needs mom is held to a higher standard, IMO.
    NightPhoenix

    Answer by NightPhoenix at 11:06 PM on Dec. 24, 2009

  • I honestly don't understand why people are sympathizing with you. You not only assulted your daughter and threatened to kill her, but you are saying that you want to pack up and leave her behind? You do not deserve this child at all, not if you're going to call her a burdon on your life. Especially if you're going to assult her, threaten her, and wish of ditching her. This child deserves better then you. You are wrong for how you treated your daughter. You are wrong for wanting to leave her. You are wrong to sit on here and try to get sympathy for how you are acting! CPS shouldn't give back your child, they should find another home for her. A home where the family loves her, respects her, and takes care of her. You don't deserve sympathy, you don't deserve respect. You DO deserve to have her taken away.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:35 PM on Dec. 24, 2009

  • I sympathize with you completely. I did not have a special needs child, but she was extremely challenging. I was a single mom for most of her life beginning when I was 16 years old; kicked out of my parent's house, and abandoned by EVERYONE. I prevailed with MUCH sacrifice - sacrifice that most could never imagine. When my daughter reached 11 years old, she became even more INSANELY difficult. I found myself feeling the same things you feel. Some parents and children say things like "I am going to kill you" or "My mom is going to kill me"....without meaning anything by it. We say many things out of anger, stress, frustration, exhaustion....you are probably feeling all of the above.

    You feel like you don't want her back - I TOTALLY GET IT! However, you WILL get over that feeling. This might be the break you need, an opportunity for you to obtain HELP, and a wake up to how you may do things differently as a mom.

    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 12:47 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • I know it must be hard to take care of your daughter. Since she needs special care. It's very easy to loose it . But you really shouldn't of said those things to her. That wasn't right. Just try your best with her, and try to get the father to help you out with her a little. It is his daughter too after all ,right? And try to get some extra help also like a school conselor.or some one like that. good luck.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 11:33 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

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