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Am I wrong?

We are flying out to spend the holidays with my parents. Actually they are flying us out (they paid). We are going to be there for 2 weeks. This is the first time that we will be at my parents house for ANY holiday. On top of that, it's only the second time my husband will be visiting my parents with me in the whole 5 years we've been married.

For a few months now my DH has known that he would be getting deployed at the beginning of the year. He just only found out a for sure date this week. Our vacation doesn't conflict with his deployment. But I guess he wants to see his family before he leaves...

My problem with this is that 1) He wants to fly out to see them WHILE we are at my parents. 2) He has never gone to go visit them before a deploymet, so I just don't see the big deal. 3) I've scrimped and saved for this trip so that we could have funds to do things while we are out there. We don't have the extra $ (cont'd)

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:14 AM on Dec. 25, 2009 in Holidays

Answers (19)
  • for a plane ticket. 4) I just don't think it's fair. It's kind of inconsiderate. I've never once said, "Hey, while we're at your parents, I'm going to leave for a few days to visit mine." (Both of our families live in different states) PLUS, 5) my parents paid for this trip! Not us. I haven't told him that I don't think it's a good idea that he goes. I know if I do, he'll just pitch a tantrum. Am I wrong? I can understand that he wants to go see his family before he goes.. but this is OUR holiday together with my family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • him seeing his parent's before he is deployed is completely understandable and fair. It is only a few days and he will be with you and your family most of the time.

    He deserves this and obviously because of his deployment time there won't be anytime for him to visit his folks after you leave your parents.

    Do you not think your parents' would understand the situation if you told them? after all they are parents and sure they can think of how they would feel if they were in you husband's parents' shoes.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 1:19 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • tough situation....I would normally say its understandable to want to see his parents BUT if this is something he has never did before I would be a bit upset too. I would not want to deny him seeing them though either. Oh I dunno I am sorry!

    Answer by hill2 at 1:35 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • I agree with tntmom. It's not convenient but really when is deployment ever convenient? He feels the need to see his not be the one to stand in the way of that.... It would make you seem callous and selfish and I don't think you're really that way so....

    Your parents will understand.

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 1:36 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • My step-dad would understand, but my mom.. not so much. She won't say anything to either of us, but in one way or another, she'll b*tch to someone. I don't want to say no, because who am I to deny that in this kind of situation.. I just DK. I guess my biggest concern is the money issue. Plane tickets aren't cheap. Ugh... I feel like such a jerk feeling this way!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • Yeah I agree with them as well. Maybe your just really frustrated right now and upset that hes going back so its not making you think right. Of course your gonna want all the time wiht him, your his wife. If my husband was being deployed i'd want to spend every waking moment with him. So its understandable to want to be selfish. ( not selfish in a bad way at all though ) But then again if he does want to see them, of course let him go. You said you have 2 weeks at your family's house, so spend the first week hes here at his parents and when he leaves go visit yours, maybe being around famly will make you feel better while hes gone.

    Answer by sexy_can_i at 1:43 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • yes, you're wrong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • Have you asked him how he's going to pay for the ticket to go to his parents?

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 2:02 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • OP

    Guess I should have added OP to Anon :42 also ...

    Thanks for the input. I guess I still feel the same way, but I can see where it is selfish. I called my sister as soon as everyone was in bed, and her opinion is usually biased.. so I'm glad I can see this from a different point of view.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • OP

    sgtdemanda: No, but he's convinced that we can make it work. I was almost tempted to tell him to ask his mom for the money, but that was in a moment of anger.. so I just left it alone. I have $500 put aside for our trip, tickets cost $300...

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

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