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Am I a Grinch? Really? AM I?

After 10 years of marriage, this year we said we weren't rushing on the holidays to get to DH's family stuff. We brought it up to BIL and his wife & we were all in agreement. We did Turkey Day the day after & it was great! For the past 10 years, we've rushed through our Christmas morning to please certain members of his family. So we also planned DH's family Christmas for 26th. That way we could all spend Christmas at home with our children. (We and BIL are the only ones with children) That was the plan up until yesterday. MIL said her BF wants kids to open some of their gifts from them tomorrow at their place, since he never goes to in law's. DH agreed to it! I realize I'm not being very "merry" but we FINALLY agreed on plans that suited our family best. MIL is going to 26th party, so its not like she isn't already going to see the kids. Why we can't stop by before or after on 26th is beyond me. Ever since we told them


Asked by Anonymous at 3:55 AM on Dec. 25, 2009 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Honestly, it's too much to get into here, but the fact that he is leaving could be a big part of why he said and did what he did. NOT because he wanted to see them, but as I'm sure you know but are probably not thinking about it right now because you're in the middle of it, is that it's common for couples to fight and do and say things they wouldn't normally do or say before one of them leaves on a deployment. It's actually one of the emotional steps in the deployment cycle. Sort of like deep down, something in them decides it's easier to leave / have them leave mad / mad at them than it is sad, so things like this happen.

    Add to that the stress of the holidays, and, well, you see firsthand what comes of it. Just try to take a deep breath, and I know it's hard, but try to let it go and try to just focus on your family for the next few days. Hang in there!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:39 PM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • ....OP here....that DH is going to Iraq, they've been monopolizing on his time. Something comes up, and the plans we have get changed. We only have 8 days left until he leaves. One day where we see all his family for Christmas should be enough! They never called him or wanted to spend time with him until now. They only ever called when they wanted something. I want to spend some time with my husband and our boys ALONE without his family interfering! Its our 6 month old's first Christmas and I wanted to slow down and enjoy it. Now we're back to rushing around. I know, I'm a Grinch. I'm just tired of DH's family calling the shots on every d@mn holiday.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • No, I'm with ya. Just don't give in this year, you've made plans, period. It's YOUR family and YOUR kids.

    Answer by Emmagr at 4:22 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • I think you are NOT being a Grinch. There's a lot going on (my dh left for Iraq right after Christmas, too, only it was yrs ago - so I feel that pain!) You want a quiet, meaningful holiday, not one that's crazy rushing around from one place to another, and you want to spend time with your dh before he deploys. Both are understandable and reasonable, and you put them together and they're even more so.

    I think you should stick to your plans. OR - if you want, you could say, well, we were planning on coming over on the 26th and spending that time with family, but if this works better for you all, you're more than welcome to stop by our house on Christmas. Anytime after ___ should be good. We would hate to not see you this year. (Make it one or the other if you all are having a hard time getting some time for you all.)

    Stick to your guns, this is important beyond the holiday stuff!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:07 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • Wait, MIL's boyfriend?? Aww, hell no. Tell DH he can go, you keep those kids at home. If MIL's BF wants to see kids open presents, he can haul his butt over to your house. You follow YOUR plans. ugh. You are not being a grinch.

    Answer by Pnukey at 1:56 PM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • Well, even though I told DH that it bothered me that we made plans and he changed them for his family, that doesn't matter. I'm being a bitch. He said he just agreed with me about staying at home all day because I was "making a big fuss." Which means he said okay to shut me up. I told him that I was tired of his family dictating when we do holiday things but it didn't faze him at all. They all went and I stayed here. True, we were done with our "gifting" but the whole idea is that it has taken me TEN years to get him to agree to doing holidays the way we want to. Well turns out he doesn't "give a damn" what day we go to his family stuff. If he doesn't care what day we go, & knows that this upset me this much, I don't understand why he couldn't have said NO. Nice way to leave things before he's gone for a year.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • Well its a very emotional time right now, because he is also leaving me to be the one to tell his Dad he has to move. He is too scared to do it, although he's wanted him to move for months, as have I. Now I get to be the bad guy and have his family b*tching at me because I'm "mean" although they have no idea how much of an @ss he is living here. I don't want to be fighting, but I don't think its fair to shut me out, or not spend time with me and the kids. I don't think its fair that I have to do the dirty work.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Dec. 27, 2009