Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Visitations and being late

My ex is always late picking up our kids, between 30 minutes to an hour! I am so frustrated having to wait around, never knowing exactly when he'll show up not to mention my poor kids are stuck waiting on him in their winter gear because heaven forbid they are not ready when he decides to show!! He's two hours late so far today, my kids are upset and I'm ready to blow, half of the visit is already over and he has not shown up yet! I live in NYS (Orange county) Does any one know if there is a standard amount of time that if he's late I can go about my day and the visit is forefit?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Dec. 25, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • I don't think there is. You should be able to put something in your custody papers though. I gave my ex 45 minutes, unless he called and had a good reason for being late. I would say, if it is more than an hour, CALL him and find out where he is. Or go about your business for the day. If he decides to show up, tell him that he was over an hour late and you assumed he wasn't coming. DO NOT make the kids wait in there winter gear, the will get all sweaty and then go outside and catch a chill. He will just have to wait 5 minutes while they get dressed. I would recommend your attorney to get the most accurate and legal advice for your state.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:24 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • Could it be the weather holding him up?

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:35 AM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • Call him and say he is two hours late and you have shit to do!!!! Tell him if he is late all the time to forget it.

    Answer by blue_glass_mama at 1:07 PM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • I am sorry that he is doing this to your and especially the kids. Not cool in any way. Is he continually manipulative in everything or is this his particular weapon of choice.
    this website has a lot of articles, you might find something. In the meantime, stay strong for the kids. Let them know that daddy is having some problems with his decisions but it doesn't mean that he doesn't love them. His issues are not letting him show it. That way it is on his choices, not his actions. And give them some extra love and attention. It is very hard on a child. I know from experience, my dad was the same way until he stopped coming and we got a letter that he had remarried.


    Answer by balagan_imma at 1:22 PM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • I have the same issue's with my daughters father. he lives about a hour/hour and twenty mins. away and sometimes he gets stuck in traffic and i still dont understand why then dont you leave 30. mins sooner? I dont mind so much when he picks her up at the house but when i have to wait i the car for an hour I AM PISSED! We have been around and around about this. a couple of time he didnt show untill hours(3-4) later. I understand that he drives farther than i do but at least call and tell me that your late! We dont have anything in writung but i offten think we should! I would not let him show up whenever he wants to. tell him that he has so much time and unless there is some GOOD reason to be late then next week it is. It's hard to do and will most likely piss him off but too bad your life doesnt revolve around waiting on him!!

    Answer by youlookin4me at 4:29 PM on Dec. 25, 2009

  • In general I think its around 30 min-1 hour. I had it put at 30 min in our custody papers. I think 2 hrs. is way past the limit esp. with a no call.
    Look up the NYS custody guidelines. Document each and every time and how late and then file for modification. In mine not only did he lose his chance but was also responsible for paying for any daycare/babysitting expenses incurred by his being irresponsible.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 12:02 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.