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How did/do you help your unsociable teenager daughter adjust to a new school?

We moved to a new town in August. While my three younger girls have quickly made new friends in their elementary school, my 16-year-old has not. She's completley withdrawn into herself since her dad died. She stands outside the school during lunch and refuses to go into the cafeteria to eat. Once, the school counselor brought her pizza! She's quite the loner. I have classmates whose kids go to the same school, and they have tried reaching out to my daughter, but to no avail. She likes the school and her classes but I feel bad that she hasn't made any friends. In her old school, she and her best friend were considered "class clowns."

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Asked by SusanArlene at 8:21 AM on Dec. 26, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (9)
  • This might not help=anyway.
    Maybe u should try seeing a physichiatrist?
    When I got pregnant, I started being really unsociable in high school.
    I felt so I let my parents down.
    I tried to forget it all..that was hard.
    Then eventually, I just told myself, "Hey live with it! The past is the past!"
    Grief counselor? Try to get to her and talk about friendships.
    Hope I helped!

    SparklyFirefly, 17

    Answer by SparklyFirefly at 8:24 AM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Thanks. Actually, we were in counseling; however, they charged me $90.00 each week per session, and it is just too much for me. I have had to cancel.

    Answer by SusanArlene at 8:30 AM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Shes really depressed it sounds like to me. A new school at 16, its real hard to make friends..its really clicky at that age & outsiders are never actually excepted. Everything maybe just to much for her to handle. Have you considered home schooling. (I did with one of mine & it worked miracles. Home schooling gave my son a chance to regroup himself & concentrate on one thing at a time.) Dont rush her, let her sleep & work at her own pace. I would not worry so much about the unsociable side as I would the depression/grief & getting her to start functioning...eating/ laughing/interest on her own. She will as everyone has special interests eventually. But let her grieve. (It took me two years to accept my mothers death & Im grown with great reasoning but it traumatized me anyway) Pay real close attention to any outside interest & follow up & build from that. Slowly though. Give her lots of understanding. dont rush give her time

    Answer by lacyjones at 9:33 AM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • I agree with lacyjnes That is probably the best thing to do!group hug


    Answer by SparklyFirefly at 9:59 AM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • My 14 yr old daughter started a new high school (she had gone to a parochial school from nursery to 8th grade and had an inseparable best friend) - the best friend goes to another high school because she lives about 5 miles away. My daughter did not know a soul and this is supposed to be one of the top rated districts in our area and it is also a small school. My daughter is so lonely - she also is withdrawing into herself. She says she tries to talk to people and they ignore her. She is on the honor roll but socially it is awful - I rarely see her smile anymore or laugh - I still get her together a lot with friends from her old school and through 4H but she is often stressed and in tears at the end of the weekend or at the end of a school vacation. My daughter needs a small school because she gets very overwhelmed by large numbers of people. I told her since nobody knows her at the new school she can be anything she wants

    Answer by happinessathome at 10:50 AM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Get your daughter together with her old friends if you can - that has helped a lot
    We are also getting more involved in 4H - other activities within it
    My daughter brings a book to the lunchroom - if she has to sit alone, she might as well enjoy a good book
    It has been hard - the girls are so cliquish and not welcoming to anyone new
    I want her to join a club so she meets people through shared experiences
    I share your issue in a different way - she lost her grandmother last month and that also was hard - some nasty girl at her school told her she should not have taken days off for the wake because the wake was after school - anyway, it is hard to know what they are thinking - just love your daughter all you can and talk to her about her feelings - let her call her old friends too if they live far away

    Answer by happinessathome at 10:55 AM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • You should get her back in grief counseling; her healing seems to be stuck.

    Answer by rkoloms at 4:29 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • I would find a church pastor... christian or not... pastor will help... the one I go to at least doesn't care what you believe in she is there to help out and be there for anyone. She is helping me through A LOT so... thats the best I can suggest becasue she is free.

    Answer by LiLmOmMiE08 at 12:42 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • School can be the worse place in the world if your not popular, the less popular you are the more likely you will be left out in the cold, and picked on, maybe a counselling session would be a good idea to get you started, as this isnt going to end when shes left school it will escalate into adult hood, if your daughter could find one friend it would be a great help to her, its a vicious circle shes feeling sad and lonely and people are put off by this, if you look around you the most confident people are surrounded by other people and noone notices their lack of confidence, but someone alone is like a bright shining star to bullies, i wish you luck .

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:01 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

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