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Frustrated & Guilty

My son is 16months old and I have a daughters who was born on Dec. 15th...I have been so harsh on him latley but he is just not listening to me as much... (pulling away when i try to direct him away from something he doesn't need to get into, or "Uh(ing)!!" me when he doesn't get his way.) Part of it I think ha to do with the new baby qwith him acting out but I myself have been frustrated period with being a mom. I love both of my babies so much abnd I would never change having them ever!...but...I'm just drained and I fell horrible for feeling this way. I feel like I just need a little brake! What can I do?

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ashnbra1

Asked by ashnbra1 at 12:09 PM on Dec. 26, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 4 (34 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Put things up as best you can that he doesn't need to be into. Making a home toddler friendly is the biggest gift you can give to yourself. He is probably feeding and reacting to your exhausted energy. The "uh" makes me think he's feeling your frustration and imitating it. His little life is focused on exploriing his world. It's what little children do at that age. Give him a safe place to explore. Get his way? Why fight with him if it's something that won't harm him? It's not giving him his way, it's making home life comfortable for you both and don't forget to have dad help you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:17 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Your feelings are very common considering your predicament. Your son is probably acting out about the new baby is perfectly normal. You need someone to take over the infant for a while and spend some time with son to reassure him he is still loved and not being replaced. Hang in there mom this too shall pass, try to get a friend or family member to give you a helping hand, good luck!
    older

    Answer by older at 12:18 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • I have been there done that! When my DD was born (Dec 27th 2007) my son was 3 years and 4 months. I think he went through some major adjustments and that was asking a lot of him right by Christmas when things get so out of control anyway. His routine was all messed up before she was born because of the holidays and then it really went out the window with the new baby. I honestly believe he was just as frustrated as I was and he was 3. I can only imagine how much harder it would be with the oldest still being to young to really negotiate with. Just try to stay calm(Yes I know what I am asking and it's so HARD) If you can make it work try for the two to have at least on simulations nap a day so you can reboot. Don't be afraid to call in the reserves, your mom, dad or sister even you next door neighbor if you can! The adjustment form one to two is the hardest but it will all calm itself down in time.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 12:18 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • I think you are right on in realizing it is your fault. The World Health Organization recommends waiting 3 years before ttc. It is not good for you, your body or your baby to have pregnancies so close. It is difficult taking care of 2 children that are so close in age.

    When you say your toddler doesn't listen I think you mean he doesn't obey. If you mean listen then you need to make sure you get eye contact when you are speaking. It's common for mothers to have problems with 16 month olds. I have a grandson that age and I know the developmental challenges. You need many parenting skills and you may not know anything other than punishment. As you have probably found punishment doesn't work well with toddlers.

    You need to learn more parenting skills. If you are nursing La Leche League group meetings may help and they may have a great lending library with parenting books. I like Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 12:19 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Ask for some help, from your partner, from any family close by or a neighbor that you trust. Sometimes just 15 minutes of no one making a demand on your time is all of the difference.

    You just had a baby, which is exhausting alone, but on top of it you have a very young son. It is hard. I've been there and it does get easier, but it will take time. Try to spend some extra time with your son without the baby - either when she is napping or just put her in a bouncy seat or playpen and play with just him. And wear the baby at other times, so she is there, but also not.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 12:19 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Try to keep your oldest in as normal or regular of a routine as possible. Spend some extra time with him during baby naps and try to send dad out of special outings with him when he is able to so you have time to bond with the little one and rest yourself. Good luck and remember 'this to shall pass'
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 12:20 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • 'I think you are right on in realizing it is your fault.'
    I don't think the op ever took any blame and nor should she. It is a natural thing even with an older child when introducing a new family member. AND the world health organization can stick it in there ear. It may be 'recommended' but lets face it life happens and so do babies being closer together than you or any organization may 'recommend'. That is just insane to be making the op feel worse! Shame on you!
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 12:23 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • hmm..my son took to my dd very well at that age (they're 16mnts apart as well) he's probly just trying to get used to the baby and at the same time jealous that she's getting a bit more attention. does he help you out with her? bring you a diaper, throw one away, if FF, help you feed her, do you let him hold her (with you holding her as well of course) just try to keep him involved with things and make him feel like a big boy and maybe he'll not act up as much. hope this helps, GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • But_Mommie--'I think you are right on in realizing it is your fault.' I don't think the op ever took any blame and nor should she. It is a natural thing even with an older child when introducing a new family member. AND the world health organization can stick it in there ear. It may be 'recommended' but lets face it life happens and so do babies being closer together than you or any organization may 'recommend'. That is just insane to be making the op feel worse! Shame on you!


     


    I completely agree.  She thinks she knows it all and is always spewing some stupid crap like that.  No one asks what the WHO recommends nor do we care.  Go spew your garbage elsewhere.

    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 2:16 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Cut yourself and him some slack. You just had a baby. Sit and just be with him and with her for a bit and let everything else slide. Your body and mind are still healing and it is ok for you to take things easy. Please take care and rest when you can.
    Whatkids

    Answer by Whatkids at 2:28 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

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