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My niece ditched us for Chirstmas for her boyfriend?

So my niece spends every Christmas with us since she was little(long story-bio dad-DH big bro out of state so we use his time). I know she is growing up. she just turned 16 last month. anyway we called her 3 weeks before Christmas to see when we needed to pick her up. She says she not coming this year. We said oh okay. Are you going to Oklahoma with your grandparents again this year? (She did that a few years back- no big deal we saw her 5 days later) she says no- she is going to her boy friends house instead. SO we asked-hurt of course- when we would see her and she say's she didn't know she would have to get back to us! I know I should not be this hurt by this but I am. I mean I am really upset-almost mad at her! I need to get over it I know. I mean, am I just a little tiny bit justified though? I mean- Shouldn't family come before the flavor of the month? I expected this sort of thing at you know 18, 19 but now?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on Dec. 26, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (33)
  • My daughter is 16 and might pull this if we let her....but we didn't. She saw the boyfriend for a few hours on Christmas Eve and I think that was fair to have Christmas Day with the family. Of course, to many I may be strict. She can only have 'dates' in the daytime right now with the exception being anything one of the parents attends with them as well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • My cousin does this all the time, she will either show up or she wont. she is a big crack-head and is on probation for possesion. she is 21 going on 3...How old is she now?
    ShortMommytobe

    Answer by ShortMommytobe at 3:07 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Where she spends holidays should be the adults involved choice. I don't see why you would ever get to "use" a biological father's time. She should be with her mother every Christmas. If other family members want to see her over the holidays then that should be arranged among the adults. If her mother wants to let her go to her boyfriend's then that is up to the mother.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 3:27 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • There's no rule that you HAVE to spend EVERY Christmas with the same people, and they don't have to be "family" either. She wanted to spend Christmas with people she cares about, and apparently she cares about her boyfriend and his family too. There's nothing wrong with that. It's sort of childish and selfish for you to feel that way.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 3:48 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • If it makes you feel any better my sister in law ditched her daughter on Christmas to spend it with her boyfriend. Her aunt had custody of my niece while my SIL was in high school...well she graduated and is in community college with a job and the aunt still hasn't relinquished rights...that's another weird story in itself though. Well, my SIL usually goes to New York to be with her for her Christmas vacation...well she decided to spend it with her new boyfriend then she got upset because my cousin called her and reemed her a new ass for choosing her new boyfriend over her kid.
    OneToughMami

    Answer by OneToughMami at 3:50 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • OP: yes how selfish of me to want to see the child we practically raised. And she always spends Christmas eve and Christmas morning with her mother and Christmas afternoon on with my self my husband and her grandparents and cousins. You think I'm irritated. lol. Her grandmother has talked about returning her gifts since she can't be bothered to make time to see us. At least I'm not saying that! I don't think it's just that we got ditched as much as it's that we got ditched and put off until she can 'pencil us in.' My poor son was in tears when he heard her say that she didn't know when she would have time to come over to get her gifts! He wanted to know if she was mad or if she didn't want his present. I think that upset us to, that she hurt the family so much with her dis-concern for any one.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • .' Parents come before friends, siblings come before friends, aunts and uncles don't come before friends. '
    That is so sad for your family- Like Aunts and uncles don't love them and want to see them to?
    at our house, family no matter how distant, always comes before friends. This would not be acceptable for my children at any age while they are under my roof. They may spend part of Christmas eve with a friend or boy if they wish but family will always come first especially on Holidays.
    'it's none of your business'
    Why is it none of her business? she loves her ans wants to see her. It would be none of her business if it was her neighbor or a child from school...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Well, at least she told you in advance and didn't just spring it on you at the last minute. I think it's okay to feel hurt, but I think that a lot of teen aged girls would choose a boyfriend over family if they had the option. It's just the age. It doesn't happen that much because most kids don't have a choice, but she is in a unique position to decide what she wants to do on Christmas rather than being told. Like I said, it's okay to feel hurt, but just know that it isn't personal and try not to hold a grudge over it. She's still just a kid and is going to make a lot of bad decisions before she grows up.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 4:44 PM on Dec. 26, 2009


  • Unfortuately that happens. Getting all annoyed wont make the situation any better. Returning gifts wont help either.
    PestPatti

    Answer by PestPatti at 5:15 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • We have teen boys. We try, IF they ask, to include their friends. We are flexable and check with their friends families, too, just to be sure we aren't ruining their plans. They end up having time with both families. But we are all local. The more, the merrier, as long as we get some time with them.
    lauriebash

    Answer by lauriebash at 5:39 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

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