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Is it me, or is this a snub? I feel like this is rude.

I have a cousin who is getting married in the spring. He is marrying a lovely girl who is originally from China. Her family is very traditional. They'll be having two weddings, one is an American wedding just like what we are used to and the second will be the following day and is a traditional Chinese wedding. We have to travel from where we live near NY to MD for the American wedding then the following day back up to NY for the Chinese wedding. Which we have no problems with.

Here is the rude part. I am pretty sure that me, my husband, and my brothers are not invited to the Chinese wedding, but my other cousins are. I am the closest to the cousin who is getting married, but we're the ones who are being left out. I feel like it should be all of the cousins or none of us, not this picking and choosing bologna.

What do you think? Rude or okay?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Dec. 26, 2009 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I can see how you'd be hurt, but I want to ask you this: Is it worth losing your relationship with your cousin over? If you are really this close to your cousin maybe it's best if you take the high road and let it go. The way I see it is that you can either make a stink and get your way causing all kinds of drama in the mean time OR you can let it go and keep the peace in your family.

    Answer by beckcorc at 1:26 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I can see why you would be offended. If it bothers you, ask him why you're not invited.

    Answer by LaurenKaye29 at 4:25 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • I would think the whole family should be invited,it may not be a snub,but maybe part of thier traditions? I dont know I do know I would want to be thier and would probally show up regardless!

    Answer by MarGeee at 4:26 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • why would you be 'pretty sure' if you are the closest to the person getting married? were invites sent? perhaps yours got lost in the the cousin, inquire nicely..there might be a reason: cost for the other family, can't invite everybody....i'm sure its not easy to cut down a list of family members for whatever reason..i wouldn't make a big deal out of it. no reason to rain on your cousin's parade-you're going to the first you really need to attend the second one?

    Answer by thehairnazi at 4:26 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Well gee thehairnazi, you sound like you are a very magnanimous person. Are you this understanding when people snub you too? She said that some cousins are invited and some are not. The proper thing to do in these situations is, as the op said, invite ALL or NONE. It is a breach of etiquette and I think the poster has a right to feel hurt by it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • OP here- "why would you be 'pretty sure' if you are the closest to the person getting married?"

    I am the closest cousin, but his mother is in charge of the invites and he's not really asserting anything. He's pretty much just letting his mother and fiance figure everything out and his fiance hasn't really met our family much because they live a few miles away and he waited a long time before he introduced her to anyone. We are a pretty close family and we are not HUGE. There are 13 of us total (that includes all the cousins, aunts, uncles, him and his mother and father) so it's not like we're talking about tons and tons of relatives.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Well IDK, maybe it is a money thing, or maybe the bride doesn't know how close you this your Mom's brother or sister's kiddo, ask her to talk to his mom, it could be a mistake of some sort, I can't tell you how many times I hav jumped to conclusions that have gotten me in trouble. I doubt it is any relationship issue or you wouldn't be aske to either one, get your mom to talkin' it always works in my family--LOL, would love to see it myself!

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:42 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • i didn't say she didn't have the right to be upset..have you ever financed a wedding? not everyone wants to go into a debt over a party that only very close friends and family will remember. i said, if she doesn't know why she wasn't invited, give a phone call. if its a financial reason/cutting the list down, it will still make the person getting married feel bad/guilty..would you want to do this to someone? i said there MIGHT be a good reason, but she'll never know if she justs asks us. either way, its bad etiquette to invite yourself to any social gathering, wedding or not.
    you don't know that the chinese family hasn't thought of everything 'proper'..that's my whole point. she does not know! and there's no reason to feel snubbed, unless she got uninvited to the american wedding, as well. then, she'd have a good reason.
    i'm not as close to some of my family as they think i am, so my list would be shortened, too.


    Answer by thehairnazi at 4:46 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • It's my Dad's sister and she is always cold to my mother even though my mother has tried time and again to be sweet and supportive of her. She has never felt like my mother was good enough for their family, even though the rest of the family has embraced and accepted her (though it did take some time).

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Not trying to be rude but as a recently married bride having a small wedding and coming up with the guest list was so difficult and thinking about people getting offended just added to the pressure. In my opinion it's all about the bride and groom and their new marriage and people should let them invite who they want, have whatever dinner served and have it on any day. I guess I've never got bent out of shape about anyone elses wedding because it's THEIR wedding so I don't understand when other people do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Dec. 26, 2009