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How do you deal with a mother-in-law?

My mother-in-law and i don't get along very well. I'll set rules for my children like no candy until they are 5 and she'll feed them chocolate bars for dinner. How do you deal with an evil woman who feels that i'm a fase my husband is going through and he'll soon leave me and take my two children with him?

 
SolaraDarkset

Asked by SolaraDarkset at 11:11 PM on Dec. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Level 16 (3,106 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • How do I deal with a MIL? Beautifully. But then, I am incredibly lucky and she respects me as a mother, even when she wishes my decisions where different (and she still follows my rules, not that there are many).

    For your situation, I'd put my foot down. I would tell MIL that if she wanted to see her grandchildren, she'd follow my rules. I do NOT believe in "Don't Tell Mommy" situations, and I don't agree with overriding the parents' rules. As it stands with your situation now, I'd allow her only supervised visitation and have her following my rules. If that didn't work, and she forced me into the position of being the bad guy, she'd lose visitation completely. I'd also make sure that DH was on my side, both with my rules and my expectations of his mother.

    One other piece of advice... whatever the issue is, make sure it's worth digging your own grave over. Only you, the wife, mother, and DIL, can decide what is worth it.
    tyheamma

    Answer by tyheamma at 2:50 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • do you tell her not to give them candy? or tell her it's fine as a one-time snack but they need to eat real food for dinner?
    Owl_Feather

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 11:15 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Then don't let them stay for dinner =)
    All you can really do is have a long happy marriage and prove her wrong.
    Good luck
    Gealach

    Answer by Gealach at 11:15 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • loosen up and let grandma spoil them
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 11:23 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • It's never ok for others, even grandmas, to override your rules. If anything, she should respect your wishes and back up your decisions. What does hubby have to say about it? If he's allowing it to happen, then the real problem lies with him. He needs to speak up for you/his family, be firm and let momma know that her behavior is unwelcome. Maybe no more dinner get togethers? Please don't allow her to spoil them. My sil's mother in law did that with her first kid. She's spoiled rotten, and dear sil gets blamed for it. The cousins and school mates don't play with her and most family members don't look forward to their visits.........and all because nanna let's the kid get away with everything.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • I would stay away from her and not allow my children to go near her either. My MIL is not necessarily evil, but she recently got in the middle of a fight between my husband and I. THAT is enough for me to cut her off. Plus my husband is a completely different person when she's around. (TOtal ASS*(*le!!) So I don't anticipate being around her ever again...although it's pretty easy to stay away since she's in another state....
    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 11:51 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • i feel you have to put your foot down on somethings and learn to let other things go. Pick your battles the last things you wan to do is have to make your husband choose between the two. But he also have to back you up if not nothing will get better.
    Mrs.Patton1978

    Answer by Mrs.Patton1978 at 12:10 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • Ummm, your husband needs to leave and cleave, which further means he needs to put his foot down with his mom and support you by defending the guidelines you have set for your children.
    NewJoyOn1308

    Answer by NewJoyOn1308 at 1:19 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • My Husband and I had this issue with my Step-Father. He has gotten somewhat better over the years but we just got to where we confront him on it and make a big issue about what ever boundary he had crossed. Then it got to where told him that he could not see the kids anymore if he didn't start respecting our rules. He knows that we would NEVER do that but it also gets our point across that we REALLY mean it.
    kc932

    Answer by kc932 at 1:20 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • 1. Pick your battles, not only wil this come in handy with your MIL, but also in your life as your children get older.
    2. Compromise, maybe instead of forbidding all treats before supper, limit it to one small treat with more to follow for dessert.
    3. Find something...anything you have in common with your MIL and try to form a bond, even if it is a weak one at first using common ground as a stepping stone.

    I was given that advise by my grandmother and it was the best I've ever recieved, I am now very close with my MIL...good luck!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

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