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how do i butt in without butting in????

my sister in law is pregnant for the third time in 3 years...she does not take very good care of her two kids as it is....and now she is not taking care of herself being pregnant. she drinks caffine all day and eat really unhealthy food. if she eats. i am so worried about the kids......her husband (my husbands brother) is over seas and i feel like i am a bad sil if i dont help somehow. she is happy about being pregnant but how can i get her to be healthy for the baby without making her mad?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Dec. 26, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (13)
  • make her healthy smoothies, and just be supporrtive of a healthy lifestyle but at the end she'll do as she pleases, g.l.

    Answer by mirit.rose at 11:25 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Offer to bring over (healthy) meals.

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:26 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • She is a bad mom because she drinks caffeine and eats unhealthy food?...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:27 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • OP-i wish i could, but we are really tight on the food budget at our house, even to invite her over for dinner would be a big deal for has to be through conversation

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • OP- she has just had a lot of trouble raising her first two kids. just trust me, she has make some bad choices...i just want this baby to be as healthy as he can be. she has been to the hospital for not eating or drinking enough already...but i dont know if its all true cause she makes up stories....

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 PM on Dec. 26, 2009

  • Best bet is to butt out. Drinking caffine and not eating what other people want you to is not cause for concern. If she were doing drugs or drinking alcohol then there is reason to step in, but unless the children are being obviously neglected or abused, all you will do by butting in is make her resent you thus causing her to want as little to do with you as possible. . If you insist on stepping in and saying something however, be prepared to deal with the consequences because few women like other women to even suggest that they are bad parents. Since money is tight and you feel that she needs help, you can always offer your services to babysit while she cleans or help her do household chores. It cant be easy raising two small children while pregnant with a husband who she has to worry over as well that cant be there.

    Answer by RamGrl at 12:43 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • Up to 4ish servings of caffeine a day while pregnant (or while nursing) have been proven safe. Beyond that, yes, it can cause problems. Here's a decent link.

    I'm not sure the answer you're looking for, since the only examples you are giving are eating unhealthy, which means different things to different people, and drinking caffeine, see above. If the child is in danger, you're going to need to make a choice. But if she's eating 2 servings of vegetables a day instead of 5 or having a dr pepper each morning, it's not really your business. Pepsi - not your business. Drugs - probably your business.

    Answer by apexmommy at 2:38 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • I would say butt out unless you are going to help lighten her load. Do you know what it is like to be pregnant and take care of other children without your husband being around? It is sooo hard, so help her with chores or babysitting, maybe you can come over and cook a bunch of food she has and put it in freezer containers so she doesn't have that added worry and you can give her what you consider better eating choices. I am pregnant and taking care of a toddler and I forget to eat and drink water all the time I am busy putting my child's needs ahead of mine. You have to look at what she is going through. Her husband is deployed which is unnerving and she is pregnant taking care of 2 other children. Cut her some slack and quit bitching and start being helpful.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 3:06 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • My SIL ate junk and drank tons of caffeine and her baby was fine. SIL on the other hand was not fine. She developed pre-eclampsia and didn't go to the doctor and ended up nearly stroking out while in labor (eclampsia). She also has slight kidney damage and had bad liver damage. Luckily for her, our livers are resilient and she was only jaundiced for a couple of months.

    Maybe if you point out the fact that bad diet has been linked to pre-eclamspsia, eclampsia, HELLP syndrome, premature osteoporosis, dental caries, placental abruption, and fetal abnormalities .. look up Brewer's Diet. Maybe that would be enough to atleast get her to take a good multivitamin and drink some nutritious shakes. Before that why not be like "Hey, we're going to the grocery store and have all these buy 2 coupons.. want to buy the other 1 with me to save us both some money?" And then make some other healthy suggestions at the store.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • btw - my SIL lied to us about what she was doing. They said she had definite malnutrition and it was a wonder her daughter was not sick.

    She gave her baby up for adoption since she couldn't handle it and obviously wasn't responsible.

    The prenatal care she gave herself was atrocious. If someone wasn't going to the doctor but was eating super healthy, taking their own blood pressure, etc. that is one thing but she ignored warning symptoms and had malnutrition and obviously paid a price for it..

    Folks saying good diets are unimportant obviously took a prenatal vitamin and got adequate protein -- or maybe they ended up with pre-e and thought they just had bad luck. I don't know. Ya'all think doing drugs is terrible and worth saying something about but possibly causing IUGR or an abruption with a terrible diet lacking in basic nutrition isn't??? I think both are worthy of saying something.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

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