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What to do about family that won't accept you?

I am a Black woman that is married to a White for almost 4 years. His family don't like me because i am Black and i find people in my family don't like him because he isn't Black. I have 2 kids before my husband and we have 1 together. His family don't even care for any of the kids mine and ours. I am not sure how to handle them everything i have done just comes back at me.

Help what should i do?

 
Mrs.Patton1978

Asked by Mrs.Patton1978 at 12:15 AM on Dec. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (111 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Honey, move on and live your life thats what you do. Allowing others to think, act, and feel how they choose gives you an enormous amount of strength and freedom. You don't get as angry. You don't have to agree, just stop fighting it and live your life. Find other things in your life. Trust me it's the best thing I ever did. I don't allow my kids to be around people that talk shit about me, or pretend to like me when they see me. I just backed off moved on, and got free. It's not damaging to your children to show them that you have healthy boundaries. We don't have to be loyal to family if it isn't healthy. Life is to short to not enjoy it!
    Steff107

    Answer by Steff107 at 12:29 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • personally i would say forget about them...on both sides honestly... if they cannot accept you and your husband for who you are...and especially your children then why would you want them in your lives?
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:20 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • i'm sorry there are racial boundaries from both ends! how awkward! when you encounter his family or he encounters yours, just be yourselves. be genuinely nice and polite to them. if they still think of you as "the black wife" and him as "the white husband" it's their loss for being closed minded. and after 4 years? they should get over their "stereotypes" by now!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • Normally, I would just tell you to REJECT them back! However, there are children involved and it's more important to TRY to be patient and prove that you aren't less of a person just because you are black. I have known this story over and over and I have lived it too. Once when I was dating a black man, his family rejected me because I'm not black....eventually, his parents saw how much hurt and turmoil it caused him, so they relented and accepted me in his life. The other women I know who have gone through this usually took YEARS to prove how wonderful they are and that they weren't going anywhere. I think alot of families just assume/hope it's some sort of phase or that the relationship will fail eventually so they don't even try. I would have a great deal of difficulty with this however, so I KNOW it's much easier said than done. If you succeed, KUDOS!! But I know MY pride would not allow me to be patient w/this!
    TLALONDE16

    Answer by TLALONDE16 at 12:22 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • I believe in god so I would say that god created all of us equal. Shame on them for treating both of you that way and your children. Just be the better person and teach your children to be better too. I would find friends, or family members who are willing to except you like you are. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • *except all of your family like you are sorry*
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • AS LONG AS U GOT EACH OTHER FORGET WAT THE FAMILYS THINK. IF THEY REALLY LUVED YALL THEY WOULD JUS WANT YALL 2 BE HAPPY.
    Mrs.Ferri

    Answer by Mrs.Ferri at 12:51 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • Trying to be a lil silly here and make you laugh... I'm white...my husband is white...we have one daughter together and he has one daughter by a previous relationship... my mother n law and sister n law don't like me. I say... screw them! If they don't like me, THEY'RE MISSING OUT! Here's what we do: live our own life. And if that means we miss out on their family stuff and they miss out on our family stuff...then so be it! We've got to make our family happy first. Stop trying to win them over, because it's not going to work. They're going to be made up with their minds no matter what. One day they'll wake up to see what they've been missing out on...but it will probably be to late for them by then! Best of luck and keep your chin up! :)
    aklebeyers

    Answer by aklebeyers at 1:07 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • If they are willing to not have a relationship with their grandchildren over something so sillly, what does that say about them?
    NewJoyOn1308

    Answer by NewJoyOn1308 at 1:09 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • Wow that is really really sad. These people are missing out on so much of their families over something so stupid. Are you positive that all of it comes down to race? I REALLY dislike my sil, she is from the Philippines. Her race has absolutely NOTHING to do with why I can't stand her. In all honesty I don't know if she knows why I dislike her but I know that she does know that I strongly dislike her. I am polite to her when I see her but mainly I just try to avoid her and my brother completely (I don't like him either) for the sake of my Mother I am polite to them but it takes soooo much out of me.
    kc932

    Answer by kc932 at 1:16 AM on Dec. 27, 2009