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Im not sure what to do.... (long story)

Im 18 years old. I started seeing this guy whos 26, Todd is his name and I thought I loved him. Fow a while he changed, he was on drugs and he quit and for a while everything was good. I ended up moving in with him, my family and him do not get a long. He doesnt let me see them and as time went on I realized that I dont love him, its something I try to convince myself of but at the end of the night I know in my heart that I dont love him. Im still in love with my ex-boyfriend, Tommy, that I was with for a year and a half and my ex and I lost a baby a year ago, I had a miscarriage. Well, Tommy and I had always been close and hes been really worried about me because Todd has slipped into his drug habits again and we fight alot and its not a good situation. But Tommy wants me to come back home and he knows Im pregnant now with Todds baby. I know Im better off to leave him and the enviorment isnt good for a baby to be in (cont.)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:25 AM on Dec. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • but its going to so hard because Todd has temper and Im honestly scared. As far as Tommy and I go, we still love eachother but as long as Im with Todd I know nothing will ever change between Tommy and I. My heart has always been Tommys and always will be. Im just very confused as to what to do and which guy is the best. Tommy has job, hes very dependable, he doesnt do drugs, we get along; however Todd is none of that. What the best advice?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:29 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • Hun is it really even a question?? Even if you were in love with Todd his drug use and your fear of his temper would be a Red Flag to get out of there, especially with having a baby. Don't even consider Tommy as part of the equation right now, get yourself into a safe situation first, then explore your romantic options.
    CuteandCurvy

    Answer by CuteandCurvy at 6:15 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • Don't worry about having another man to fall back on because it might not happen. You get out for the sake of your life and the happiness of your child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • I know how hard it can be to face being a mother all alone but you need to worry about you & the baby & not men for a bit. Leave Todd, he's already making a horrible bf, not like he's gonna be a good dad. If you need help hiding from him contact the domestic violence shelter in your area for ideas on safe living. You need to stand on your own two feet & worry about making yourself & your child happy & taken care of. Once you have your life settled down then you can look at adding in another person. If you run from man to man forever you'll never truely discover the beautiful strong woman you are!!!!
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:59 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • leave Todd. Have Tommy & your father help you move out. Get a restraining order so he can't come near you. I'm not sure if you want him in your child's life ( I wouldn't) but you don't have to put his name on the birth certificate.
    NoahsMomma418

    Answer by NoahsMomma418 at 11:07 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • I'm with the others.... push your feelings for Tommy to the side right now and think about what's best for you and your baby and take action. Stress isn't good for you or the baby you're carrying so me myself, I'd leave that house because if he's on drugs his mood swings have to be hard to deal with.
    He first established how it was going to be when he cut your ties from your family and friends... that's a major red flag. It typically only gets worse unless you stand up for yourself.
    I'd be moving and not leaving him a forwarding address. The child support money wouldn't be worth him being allowed to be alone with the child. If you agree to let him see the child, I recommend breast feeding so that he can't keep the child for extended period of time (Babies eat no less than every two hours typically).
    Be safe, and don't let this man control you. Stand tall and be who you are.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:59 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • Go be with Tommy. He will protect you. Todd will find a druggie gf and all will be well
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:03 PM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • You're going to be a mother, so it's time to put on your big girl panties and grow up, and leave bad situations because it's what's best for your child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • I grew up a child of a druggie let me tell ya it wasn't good GET OUT BEFORE HE GETS YOU!! Depending on the person drugs have all kinds of weirdo side effects....and if he scares you w his temper he'll scare your child I would not let him around that baby it's best if you don't even put his name on the birth certificate don't even call him when you're in labor or the child is born have no contact at all Like they say life isn't fair he probably don't even care anyhow about that child or will he after he's born and if he does come back and say it's not fair OH well it's not fair for him to use drugs and scare you with his fits of rage if he do it to you he'll do it to the kid even though they say they will stop it never happens they'll hide it form you so believe nothing outta his mouth my dad went to NA and AA and did drugs ont he side w/o my mom or us knowing so he'll never change! Get out whild you can!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • I feel for you being in your situation and you are so young!!! You must sever that relationship w/Todd - it's a blessing that you don't love him - that makes it easier. Is your family willing to let you stay with them for a while? Do you have any friends you can get support from? If you have a women's center in your town, contact them for resources to help you. I agree about getting an order of protection. I wish you strength and courage. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 PM on Dec. 27, 2009

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