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What to do to erase the pain and go on?

I have been divorced for over a year. My ex-husband has been with his girlfriend for the same amount of time. I still love him. Very much. We have 3 children together and I take care of them on my own. I miss talking to him, hanging out with him, loving him, even arguing with him. Him cheating on me several times brought our divorce. He's angry with me for divorcing him. He said I gave up on him. We don't talk now. He has his girlfriend call when he wants to see the kids. I don't know how to deal with this. I am tired of crying every night because I am by myself. I don't feel that I deserve to be lonely and depressed all the time while he is living and loving life with his girlfriend and no responsibility with our kids on a regular basis. I know other women are out there that are going throught he same thing, so, help me to understand what to do to make this go away. I just want to be happy and enjoy life.

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Asked by KaceyKeys at 11:34 AM on Dec. 27, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • I'm not exactly in your shoes but I could be within a year. I find that keeping busy with my hands of baking, sewing, arts and crafts, coupons, anything by myself or in a group keeps my mind and my heart better. A big healer for my is any of our libraries - they all have lots of daytime and evening activities for adults that are not about couples beingin them. Also however old your kids are maybe they're ready for girlscouts or boyscouts or 4H. They can always use parent volunteers hanging around joining in at meetings to help with activities. Some meet afterschool, others meet evenings or weekends. It's hard I know to decide to leave or not. I've raised my kids without my husband even though he's been my husband. Even though we're still legally married he has it tougher than me I know, and that honors me, cuz he's the one who dishonored our kids. I didn't. Maybe we'll work things out.

    Answer by lfl at 11:42 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • You should consider seeing a therapist.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • First, tell the GF to stop calling for your EX. It takes time to get over him. Stop missing him and just remember he cheated on you instead.


    Answer by louise2 at 12:52 PM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • Missing him is normal grieve for your loss but so your not alone join some activities that you want to and work on something that helps you get on with your life meanwhile keep a journal and join a support group or even talk to relationship counselor yes its over but it can also help you put things in perspective and feel better. Also you should find something that promotes your self esteem and helps you to find something for yourself and makes you feel better. (((HUGS)))


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:02 PM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • Don't talk to the gf, make up a Parenting Plan that schedules visitation. Make sure he pays child support too. Then get back out there and meet people. Have friends and co-workers fix you up. Meet men online. Just meet people to build up your confidence and self esteem then when you are ready actually date the ones you like. Don't make yourself lonely over him. As for the "you gave up on him" say that crap to make women feel bad so they won't move on. Men know we get eaten up by guilt. He was in the wrong and he won't face reality so he dumped that mess on your shoulders. Cast it off. He cheated. He did that. He ruined the marriage. He deserves her so let it go. You deserve someone who respects you and loves you and won't cheat. Now get out there and find Mr Right. This new year is the perfect time to start over.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:01 PM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • Focus on the fact that he CHEATED on you "several times" THAT is not a man to be missed. What you miss was not real. A REAL LOVING man would NOT do that to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on Dec. 27, 2009

  • admckenzie, is so right.
    His talk, about "you giving him up, is such a "COP-OUT", and is just a EGO trip, to make him feel better, which, is "a kind of abuse"- he is controlling you this way and making '"YOU FEEL GUILTY""

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 7:31 PM on Dec. 27, 2009

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