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My parents are divorcing, but my moms playing victim, How can I talk to someone telling lies?

My parents are going through a rough divorce. The cause of the divorce is my mom, but she's trying to play off as my dads fault. How can I talk civilly to her, if I feel she's absolutely wrong for everything she's doing to my dad? She's taking everything overboard, and she's trying to play victim. How can I talk to someone who has totally turned her ways just to benefit herself and only herself?

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Asked by emly40 at 1:16 PM on Jun. 25, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • I don't think divorce can ever be the fault of one since marriage is a two way street. You sound like you are 100% on your father's "side". I think it is easy for adult children to get caught up in a mess like this. I would prefer to stay neutral for the benefit of my relationships with both my mother and my father even if it's obvious to me that my mother is primarily responsible for the divorce. I don't always want a relationship with my mother but I realize to avoid her completely hurts me more than it hurts her. Say what you are thinking and feeling to your mother and then close the subject with her. You don't owe her sympathy. It's a rough place to be for you. I am sorry.

    Answer by manna1qd at 1:51 PM on Jun. 25, 2008

  • i am going through an extremely similar situation.... and yeah marriage is a two way street, but that doesn't mean that one of them can't be crazy and selfish and to blame.

    it only makes it worse when they make it so ugly and then act like the victim.

    i can't give you any advice but i hope it helps to know that some one is going through the same thing you are.

    Answer by gmansmomma at 12:19 PM on Aug. 21, 2008

  • My parents divorced after 25 years of marriage. It has been hell. In the end, it does not matter who did what. Most of the damage to the family occured as a result of the divorce. In my case, my Mom was constantly trying to vent to me and wanted me to side with her. She was full of hurt and resentment for a very long time. You can not afford to involve yourself because I promise you it will take a heavy emotional toll on YOU. It's been 15 years since my parents divorced and every now and then one of them will try and pull me in. I normally respond with 1 of 3:

    1) I have my own feelings on that but nothing I want to share
    2) Suddenly I'm feeling sick to my stomache, have to go ( works great to get off phone)
    3) I can't answer that. Why don't you ask Dad/Mom yourself?

    No matter how angry or slighted I ever felt by my husband I would NEVER drag my kids into it. It's abusive.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

  • Ask yourself what taking sides is going to accomplish? Neither of your parents should be involving you whatesoever. Let them sort it out in a court of law. You dont have to deal with your Mom-your Dad does. I know its painfull to see lies and deceit go on. I know it hurts to see the disinigration of your family but if you involve yourself by taking sides or calling your Mom out on her behavior there will only be more division.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Feb. 2, 2009

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