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Boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating for over a year and a half. He's a GREAT father...what do I do?

He says he wants to make it work, that he just got lost along the way. He says he doesn't want to lose his family and will do whatever it takes to make us ok. I believe he means it now....but I doubt it'll last. He loves our son and spends every sec he's home with him. Idk what to do. I don't think he has killed all love I had for him....but I don't know what to do! I don't want to work it out, but I don't want ds to live in 2 different homes. He does love his son so much and is sooo good with him. Do I look out for me, or my son?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:02 AM on Dec. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Well, he wasn't with your son while he was cheating with someone else for a year and a half was he? He obviously wasn't thinking about how it would destroy his family while he was cheating. Your sons relationship has nothing to do with your relationship with him. He cheated and lied to you. Why stay with someone like that? Life is too short, don't waste your time. If you have to have a relationship with him for him to be a good dad to his son, then he's really not worth much is he?

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 1:05 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • OP- yeah. I mean, he'd be a good dad regardless, I just see how my son lights up when he walks into the room, and it breaks my heart.
    MandiDueAug09

    Answer by MandiDueAug09 at 1:14 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • It's not your fault. It should break his heart because he is the one that broke his family apart, not you.
    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 1:20 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Here's your sign...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Yeah, I know. I hate that I have to make such a hard choice. He loves his father. We can get along under the same roof, what he has done makes me feel so sick. My son is young, so he has no clue what's going on which is great, chad helps out so much...I just hate who he has become and I worry about the women he'd prob bring around my child if I left. The other woman is a near 40 yr old stripper with 3 kids of her own. She doesn't care about my son. I know if I leave he'll go back to her. She knew about me. I don't want that trash helping to raise my son. If im here I can at least keep my son away from her influence.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • banging head into wallSERIOUSLY, ARE YOU REALLY THAT TWISTED IN YOUR LOGIC? Hmmmm ok, I will stay with a cheating man so I can protect him from a sleaze bag. HMMMM WAIT...DADDY IS A SLEAZE BAG.....


    slap

    Whatkids

    Answer by Whatkids at 1:36 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Someone once said, it's better to be from a broken home than living in one. You'll actually have more control over your son's life if you are away from a person that doesn't care much about what type of "things" he brings into his family.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 1:37 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I don't want to be a downer, but cheating for an extended amount of time is NOT a mistake. He did NOT just lose his way. This went on for a long time. He knew exactly what he was doing.
    I know there is much more to him as a person, but this one thing REALLY shows his character and that is a BAD example to his son. Cheating on his son's mother makes him a bad dad. If he REALLY cared about his son he would never have even entertained the thought of cheating. But instead he did it and lied about it and hid it from you for a long time. That is not good parenting. That is not being a good dad. That is pure selfishness and total disregard for the family he created.
    He is the main example for your son. His behavior wil influence your son in many ways in the future. If this is the way your son learns to treat women than that is the kind of man he will grow up to be. I am guessing your son is 4 or 5 months old. Leave now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Ok...so let me get this straight...he's a good father, yet he's been banging a 40 year old stripper and you're afraid that if you leave him, he'll go back to her and bring your son around her? All the more reason for a judge to award you sole physical custody! I agree with everything anon :39 said.
    TattooedMommy04

    Answer by TattooedMommy04 at 2:00 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • This is going to make me sound even more stupid/....if that's possible. I have full custody already. I know my logic was stupid, I guess I just wanted to hear it from other people that I am doing the right thing. I know it seems like common sense stuff, but im pretty emotional and im not exactly thinking clearly. I just want to be 100% on this. He spends every spare second he's home with our son, and does love him. I shouldn't feel guilty about taking holden and leaving, but for some screwed up reason I do. I don't know what's wrong with my brain.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

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