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The line between dating and "commited"?

I ask this as I've been unable to forgive my SO for something he did He is a soldier, We knew each other & started dating about a wk after he came back from Iraq. Everything was perfect, after we had sex 3 wks laterI didn't feel treat me any different or it's the only thing he wanted as its not like he ever was trying to get me out the door or his attention on me stopped, we continued for about 5 wk until he went home on "leave" a month military gives soldiers after they return from deployments He sleeps with THREE women while the whole while texting/calling me saying he couldn't wait to come back to see me & asked me to move in with him while he was gone mentioned how he felt we were "perfect" for each other etc. When we did move in together it was after that I found out all this crap. Am I just "psycho" to be hurt or a little insecure? He has offered to go to counseling should I? or is this unforgiveable? or am I overeacting

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:33 AM on Dec. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I would not say that this is unforgivable... It was wrong of him to do that and not say anything. I am not sure of how your relationship was at the time, but it sounds as if you two were a couple. It is up to you what you want to do, if it were me I would forgive and maybe get counseling to help that part. But if he ever did it again he would be out the door.

    Answer by dragonlilly3492 at 5:14 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • What an asshole, if you are dating and sleeping with somebody it is implied that there is commitment, that was wrong, and he might do it again. He may have that different zip code mentality get out before you get really hurt

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:22 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Whether or not it is forgiveable is a decision you alone can make. Each individual is different and what one person might forgive, another would not. As for you being pschyo for being upset, no, you're not. While I'm not sure that I agree with true, b/c the rules of dating have changed soooo much even just over the last few years. I don't necessarily think that dating and sleeping together implies commitment, but I do think that asking you to move in with him does more than imply it. That is where the real problem comes from. While you were sleeping together, there wasn't really any discussion of commitment, per se (unless you just didn't mention it), so technically I suppose you were both free to do what you wanted. (Notice, please, that I am not saying I agree with any of that!). But, asking you to move in is making a commitment, and sleeping with 3 other women while doing so is wrong. Maybe counseling will help? Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:16 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • He's not married to you so he doesn't see it as cheating. He obviously wants a relationship with you. He only wanted sex with them. Men see sex as just something that a body needs. They don't always connect it to feelings for the person. I'd let it go and start all over again and tell him to stop being with others if it bothers you. Men can be stupid, if you don't tell them to stop they think "but you didn't tell me you didn't want me to do it!"

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:01 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I can see how you would assume that he was only interested in you at the time but a few months of dating is hardly a commitment unless it has been spoken. I think it would be hurtful but a girl gets attached much easier than a man and he was coming back in from a stressful tiem overseas so he may not have been acting normal and was just letting loose having fun. I think if your relationship has a chance then you will have to let it go. Since it was in the beginning of your relationship it deosnt mean he was cheating it just means he wasnt committed yet. Its better to get committed then have sex so you arent so crushed when guys do this stuff but i know that is easier said than done these days.

    Answer by ria7 at 12:28 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

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