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how do i get them to understand(no real names used)cont in 1st answer

in the last month i've stopped all contact with my sons father no emails no calls nothing i think i'm doing whats best for my son and my self but how do i make my family understand?
my ex (ill call him richard) has been anything but a good father i know he loves our son i'm just tired of having to bitch yell & beg for him come to see our son
richard never calls to ask about him he never calls to ask to visit him (the only time he asked to see our son was to take him to a family reunion out of state i said no)
my family keeps telling me to give him time and that he's busy with his new wife that i should be more understanding of his situation i've been as understanding as i can be and he's had his time he couldn't even make it to our son bday party or call on xmas or call to check on him after i let him know he was in the hospital
our son is 2 and he hasnt seen his father since oct 21 he has even stopped asking for him

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:10 AM on Dec. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • could go back to when I met my 1st bd; I would have never gave him the time of day and later when I was 22; I would have never interacted and spoke to my 2nd bd!!! I love my kids but they deserve better fathers!!!! Every child deserves to have a dependent, caring, loving, supportive, loyal, and honest relationship with their dad, not a father who is there when it's convenient for him! If I had known our lives would have ended up the way it is, I would have never had kids! I hate that they are hurting snd I wish I had the power to make it stop!!!! All I can do is put my kids heads into thinking about their future and where they want to be in life; let schooling and careers come first before finding a man and having a family; and I beg of them not to have kids until they are married; don't make the same mistakes I did, because I want more and better for them!!! It sucks but we have to bare it, and guide them through the hurt!!!
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 3:35 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • my mom says that what i'm doing is harming my son? but how can i keep shoving my son on richard hoping that one day he'll step up and realize how amazing and beautiful our son is i try telling them all this but they dont listen
    am i right to do what i'm doing or are they right should i keep at it?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I feel your pain, except that my mom understands! I hate it when my older daughter's father will make plans and then when the day comes he doesn't show, doesn't answer phone calls, etc. I get to the point that I can't deal with the disappointed, hurt facial expressions, especially the sadness in her eyes, that I inform her that its not her but his own selfishness and that I was hoping he'd be there for her, always no matter what. I honestly thought that burying our first born son that he'd appreciate and value her more(he has 10 or 11 kids now!), but no he'd rather let her down and make it up later buying her stuff(which is a temporary band-aid!)! I picked 2 very wrong men(I want to say boys because they can't be man enough to accept responsiblity for their actions, they blame every one else for their problems, they lie, lie, lie, they only chose certain kids to actually be there for 100%)to have father my children!!! If I
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 3:27 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • hey op I know what you mean. My family and actually my husband's family too believe he is the best human but they're not in my home day to day with him. Finally after a long time of hearing men don't take to babies, toddlers, little kids wait'll the kids are older and also oh he's too busy working that's what men do - finally I had enough of that and I don't talk my business with anyone except who has a specific need to know.

    Your family knows you'll debate it with them,why they want that who knows. Clearly though it's exciting for them even to the point of aggravation. The more you make your business their right to be in all of it, the more upset you'll be.

    If they ask a question about baby'sdaddy just respond respectfully that that particular relationship is between you and him, and change the subject or walk away or firmly end conversation and hang up.

    You're not just a daughter now. Now you're a primary caretaker.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 4:08 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Tell your family that it is your life and you are protecting your son, and that is what good mothers do they protect their children. Go girl.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:14 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Just make sure you get the child support bc you can't make him want to see the child. Work out a Parenting Plan and tell him to stick to it or you will see what the Court will do about his failure to be a part of his life. With that being said, what if the new wife isn't nice to the child? I would be fine keeping my son if I had to worry he wasn't being properly cared for by some other woman.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:05 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • As the "present' parent in you child's life, it is your responsibility to protect your child. Tell your family to bud out of your business. Also, what kind of family do you have that make excuses for this moron?
    donzgurl

    Answer by donzgurl at 4:07 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

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