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I've just moved in with a guy who I'm crazy in love with. We are both separated - about 4 years each. This year for the first time his ex sent him a large parcel of Christmas presents (the first time since separation) - I asked him to send them back. He agreed. Today I saw an email from him to her saying she is still his "best friend". I freaked out. My heart is broken. Any thoughts or advice to share?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:22 AM on Dec. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • that would drive me bonkers if I was in that situation, however...he likely will keep talking to her whether you approve or not....you will simply force him into more secrecy. Talk to him about how it makes you feel. hopefully he"ll smarted up....
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 4:30 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I think you need to sit down and talk with him. Does he know you have access to his email? If not, that may open another can of worms. I would suggest explaining to him that you are upset and would like to talk about the situation. It may have been with good intentions on his behalf but in the process it did hurt you.
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 4:30 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Well since you didnt mention divorce, your still technically married to other ppl right?

    it could be one of two things in my mind
    1. She's his best friend but they just cant work out their realtionship and its best they are apart
    2. She's his best friend and may soon realise he still wants to be with her

    and dont freak out or be who u arent by being "crazy" either one will happen naturally but if you cange who u are because ur afraid or try and stop contact he might jut go with option 2 quickly
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Run away and never look back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:22 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • He probably just said that she she won't get her feelings hurt when she gets the things back.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:41 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I agree with admckenzie. I also think that he could just be saying that because he is a man & men are stupid. Why don't you ask him? Ask him who his best friend is. Or tell him that he is your best friend. What did the rest of the email say? That would help. If he said "Sorry, i have to return your gift. You'll always be my best friend, but it is now inapropriate to be sending me such gifts"

    If he said it like that, then he may just be trying to NOT be a total asshole to her. Sending gifts back might really hurt her, so he may just be trying to soften her fall a bit.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:05 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I would get out of this relationship NOW! You don't have to end it for good, unless you want to, but you should tell him that you are going to give him some time to decide what he wants and who he wants for his best friend. Until he does that, you have no future with him. You may fulfill some need for him to have a woman in his life, but you will never know that you are THE woman with whom he wants to share his life. Don't settle for anything less than total committment. Life would be happier lived alone than with a man who is unwilling to give you his whole heart and devotion. In a best case scenario, your departure might cause him to see that you really are the woman with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life. You have to see yourself as a woman who deserves better than this, or you will never have the best.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:32 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Separated or not he is still married. He can up and jump back to his wife at ANY TIME. Why don't you just get the divorce, than look for a single man to start your life with? Why get yourself into heartache and drama. IF you do stay with this man, than don't complain about the drama that will come your way because you brought it on yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Do they have kids if so she going to be in his life. She is his best friend u don't know what he is telling her behind your back.
    officerdouglas

    Answer by officerdouglas at 12:28 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • You don't know this guy as well as you think you do. Being "crazy" in love is not a good thing because the crazy part sometimes makes you blind to reality.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

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